


Wait For Me

by GhostFox



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Fluff and Angst, I'll be adding a new chapter every Friday, M/M, if you pay really close attention you might find some other characters in there, mostly angst, the tags change with each chapter so i'll add triggers to each summary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-01
Updated: 2015-06-11
Packaged: 2018-03-26 15:36:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 24,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3855949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GhostFox/pseuds/GhostFox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Daisuga reincarnation AU<br/>Daichi wants to stay with Suga forever but it feels like he's fighting against fate</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Moonboy

**Author's Note:**

> This ain't goodbye  
> This is just where love goes  
> When words aren't warm enough to keep away the cold  
> This ain't goodbye  
> It's not where our story ends  
> But I know you can't be mine, not the way you've always been  
> As long as we've got time  
> Then this ain't goodbye
> 
> -Train

 It always hit him the same way, the first time he caught a glimpse of that face he knew better than his own. Could it still be considered a first time when he didn't even know how many first times there had been? This could be the hundredth, the thousandth first time.   
Each time was different but it always felt the same. Like all of the air had been sucked from his lungs. Like a boa was constricting around his heart, restricting his blood flow. Like, in that moment, his life was finally starting. It was excitement; it was fear, hope, and longing all swirling together with his fluttering heartbeat. That was how he felt now, as he watched the silver haired boy walk into the coffee shop and slip his apron over his head.   
He'd done it again.   
Daichi had found Suga again.  
And this time he planned on keeping him.   
  
***  
  
You're incredibly lucky if you happen to find your soul mate in your lifetime. Daichi had found his hundreds of times. Over hundreds of lifetimes.   
You're incredibly lucky if you get to spend that lifetime with your soul mate. Daichi hadn't. Not once.   
  
He couldn't remember the first life. Who knows how long ago it was. The farther back he tried to remember the foggier his memories became, until they all muddled together with Suga being the only distinguishable feature. Always present. Always just out of reach.   
  
If he couldn't start with the first then he'd start with his favorite, the oldest one he could remember clearly. That could be his first.   
  
Back then he hadn't quite figured it out. He didn't understand his magnetic pull towards the fair haired son of the man his father worked for. They grew up together, running through the rice fields that Suga's father owned and Daichi's father tended. There were other kids around but they weren't important. Daichi only needed Suga. It was 1791 when he met him, when his "first" life began.  
  
Daichi came from a poor family. His mother died when he was seven leaving him, an only child, to follow his father to the rice fields every morning before the sun. It was normal for the children of the workers to spend the days splashing around their toiling parents, but other kids never paid any attention to Daichi. It was as if they could tell he was different, as if they could smell abnormality on him like a pheromone. Over time he had built icy walls around himself to keep them out. Being alone was better that being misunderstood.   
  
When they arrived Daichi scanned the land on which he would be forced to spend every day for the foreseeable future. Fields and fields of water stretched out before him with thin stocks of green shooting out into the air, narrow muddy paths connecting them together.   
"Do I have to stay here?" His voice squeaked, clutching the handle of the basket he was holding tighter with his two tiny hands.   
His father just grunted and bent down to start his work. Sighing in defeat, Daichi set the basket down and turned away. He wanted to find a quiet place to hide before the other children started to arrive.   
  
The water level was right above his knees, making it hard to walk, so he waded slowly through, trying his hardest not to lose his balance amongst the tangled plant life.   
The sky was still dark when he saw it. A silver glow hidden between the green rice stalks, shining out like a moonbeam. His heart skipped a beat.   
Daichi instinctively moved towards it like a magnet being pulled toward a pole, his short legs splashing loudly as he attempted to run. When he got close enough he reached his hand forward to grasp at the light, fingertips stretching as far as they could, desperate to touch it. Before his fingers could find their destination the glow giggled and splashed away from him, stopping just a few yards ahead.   
"Hey!" He yelled. The light gave out another giggle. Daichi ran forward again, and the silver light evaded him a second time, stopping far enough away to be safe but close enough to mock him.   
"Come back!" Daichi called out, desperation thick in his voice, as he lurched forward. His legs tangled in a rice stalk and he fell forward, muddy water encompassing his body, filling his mouth and clouding his vision. He came up gasping and sputtering, coughing out the water he had instinctively breathed in.   
  
When he opened his eyes they were met with a pair of round warm brown ones. He was nose to nose with a small boy, grinning from ear to ear. Daichi was too stunned to be startled, so he just stared.  
"Are you ok?" The boy asked, giggling. Daichi lifted his head to eye  silver mop of hair atop the boys head, then down to his eyes and the small mark right below the left one, then all the way down to his smile, completely taken in.  
"Are you the moon?" He asked, breathless. Bewildered.   
The boys smile grew wider, if that was possible, and he laughed. It was like music.   
"Of course not," he said, reaching his hand out to help Daichi stand.   
He took it.   
"I'm Koushi," the boy said.   
"Kou...shi," Daichi said slowly, wiping the mud from his clothes and thinking, "light...star? You _are_  the moon!" He exclaimed. He could see a light pink tinge the cheeks of his new friend. His first friend.   
"Not exactly. It's light heart, not light star," Koushi explained, "but you were close."  
The sun was starting to rise, replacing the pale moonlight with the gold of dawn.   
"I'm Daichi," he introduced himself.   
"Great earth?" Koushi asked, wrinkling his nose and giggling.   
"Great wisdom," Daichi corrected. Koushi's eyes grew wide, reflecting the golden sunrise in his irises.   
"Then you must be very smart," he said in hushed awe. Now it was Daichi's turn to blush.   
"N-not really," he stammered, suddenly insecure.    
He looked up and Koushi was smiling again. It must have been contagious because Daichi couldn't stop himself from joining in. Koushi looked away for a moment, thinking.   
"Have you ever caught a frog?" He asked, a sly grin on his face.   
"No. I've never been to the rice fields before," he admitted.   
"I grew up here," Koushi declared proudly, "I know all the best spots for frogs."  
Daichi was impressed in the way only a seven year old could be.   
"Come on I'll show you!" Koushi grabbed Daichi's small hand in his own and started to lead him away to a field west of the one they were standing in. Daichi was too surprised and excited to argue.   
"We're going to be best friends," Koushi said, turning around to flash a smile at Daichi who was still dazed from the flurry of energy that was his new friend.   
Daichi felt that the warmth of that smile was strong enough to melt the ice he'd built up for so long.   
  
***  
  
Just as Koushi had promised he and Daichi were inseparable. They spent every day together from dawn until dusk. They caught frogs and fish, and later in the year tadpoles. They drew pictures in the muddy pathways along the edges of the fields. They raced through the water as fast as their short legs could carry them, and eventually their legs weren't so short anymore. They laughed together. They grew together. They fell in love.   
  
At what point does friendship and adoration turn into love? There wasn't a specific point that Daichi could say was the moment he knew he loved Koushi. He loved him from the moment he met him but it took years for him realize just how deeply.   
  
They were twelve when Daichi learned that Koushi loved him too. It was summer and the sun was high, burning the back of their necks and reflecting off of the surface of the water. They were weaving together thin strips of rice stalk to use as fishing string on the ends of sticks. After five years of practice they were masters of fishing with what they could scavenge in the fields.   
  
Koushi held up his string for Daichi to inspect.   
"How's that?" He asked.   
"It's too thin. The fish are really big this time of year. They'll snap it too easily," he answered, adding another strip to his own string. Koushi nodded. Neither of them heard the footsteps approaching them through the mud.   
  
"S-Sugawara-san?" A small voice squeaked. Startled, they both turned to see a girl about their age standing behind them. Her hands were clasped tightly together, her cheeks flushed and her dark eyes wide. She had long dark hair swept over her shoulder and Daichi thought she was quite pretty.   
"I was wondering," she looked down, nervous, "would you like to take a walk with me today?" She asked.   
Koushi flashed her his usual bright smile and her blush deepened.   
"I'm sorry, but I'm going fishing with my friend today," he explained.   
"O-oh okay," she stuttered. She bowed quickly and turned to leave, clearly upset, and Koushi turned around to continue working on his string.   
  
Daichi watched the girl leave, stunned.   
"You didn't have to do that," he said. He was glad Koushi had stayed but he also didn't want him to lose the opportunity to talk to a pretty girl just to make Daichi happy.   
"Do what?"  
"Turn her down. She was pretty."  
Koushi looked down the path at the girl's retreating figure, thinking.   
"Yeah I guess so. I wasn't really paying attention," he admitted.   
"You can still go. She's not that far away," Daichi said.   
"Do you want me to go?" He asked, trying to hide the hurt in his eyes.   
"No. Of course not."  
"Good, I don't want to go. I'd rather spend my time with you," he smiled. That smile that Daichi loved so much. "I'd pick you over any pretty girl," he added with a wink.   
He turned back to his string as if he hadn't just made Daichi's heartbeat speed up so fast he was sure Koushi could hear it pounding against his ribcage.   
In his own way, a way that Daichi could understand completely, Koushi had just said "I love you". And he knew without having to ask that Daichi loved him too.   
  
***  
  
When he was fifteen Daichi's father told him that it was time he started working in the fields instead of playing in them. So the next morning he showed up with a knife and a basket of his own, just like the one he usually carried for his father.   
  
Koushi found him just as the gold from the sunrise was touching the tips of the rice stocks.   
"What are you doing?" He asked.   
"Working," Daichi answered.   
"Why?"  
"My father said I'm old enough to stop playing," he explained. He stood up straight and put on an angry scowl, scrunching up his eyebrows as best he could. "It's time you be a man," he growled out in his best impression of his father. Koushi's laugh was like music.   
  
Daichi smiled and returned to his work, listening to the boy dissolving into giggles behind him.   
"I'll help you," Koushi said after he regained his composure, moving to stand next to his friend.   
"You don't have to," Daichi said, secretly hoping Koushi would stay with him.   
"I know," he said, smiling, "but I want to."  
  
They worked for a while in the morning sun talking easily like they always did. They'd spent every day for eight years together and yet they had never run out of things to say to each other.   
  
The field they were in had been drained for the harvest, leaving it an ankle-deep mud pit.   
Daichi was shaking rice grains into his basket, not paying attention to anything in particular, when Koushi slapped a big sloshing handful of mud across his cheek.   
  
"Hey!" He yelled turning to see that Koushi had already started sprinting away, laughing loudly.   
He took off after him, sloshing through the mud as fast as he could. When he was close Koushi turned to around, laughing and taunting him, running backwards through the mud with ease.    
Daichi stretched a hand out, grasping for the other boy. His fingers grazed the fabric over his chest and Koushi lost his balance, landing with a loud smack as his back hit the thick mud. Daichi's legs tangled with Koushi's and he fell too, both hands landing on either side of Koushi's head, their faces so close their noses were practically touching.   
  
They sat like that for a moment, stunned and breathless.   
Koushi smiled, that sly grin he had the first time he asked Daichi if he had ever caught a frog.   
Without a word he wrapped his muddy arms around Daichi's neck and pulled him down to meet his lips.   
  
Their first kiss was soft and sweet and perfect. Daichi could still remember how Koushi's lips felt pressed against his own, how he tasted of mud and honey. On some mornings, when he wakes up too early and he can see the first golden rays of the day touching the ocean outside of his window, he can feel that kiss still lingering on his lips as if it had just happened.   
  
When the work day ended they walked back together, covered head to toe in mud, fingers intertwined and laughing.   
  
***  
  
For the last two years their life had been stolen kisses and silent I love you's. Like a summer love that never ended. After a while, just spending the day together wasn't enough. When the work days would end Koushi and Daichi would spend as much time as they could spare sitting under a tree on a hill that overlooked the rice plantation. It was a place that belonged only to them.   
Daichi was there now, waiting in the dark for the other boy to arrive.   
  
That afternoon when Koushi had asked if they could meet up he had seemed a little distressed. When Daichi asked what was bothering him he switched seamlessly into his normal smiling self, but Daichi wasn't convinced. Now, sitting there alone, he worried about what Koushi wanted to discuss that could've possibly put a damper on that smile. Caught in his own thoughts Daichi didn't notice the familiar figure approaching him. He only looked up when Koushi was standing right in front of him.   
  
It had been ten years since they'd met and Daichi was still mesmerized by how beautiful Koushi looked in the moonlight. When his skin was drained of color and his hair glowed like Daichi's own private star. He'd never get used to it. He'd never get tired of it.   
  
Koushi sat down, frowning, and Daichi reflexively reached out to tuck a stray lock of shining hair behind his ear.   
"What's wrong?" He asked, his hand lingering on Koushi's cheek, thumb caressing the freckle beneath his eye. He turned his face to press a kiss to Daichi's palm, letting out a deep sigh.   
"Kou-," he was cut off as Koushi pulled him into a kiss. The kiss was fiercer than any they'd shared before. It felt frantic, like Koushi was trying to communicate all of his upset feeling to Daichi through his lips. His hands twisted in Daichi's short dark hair, strong yet gentle, and Daichi cupped the other boy's face.   
  
Koushi broke the kiss and pressed his face against Daichi's chest, letting out a noise somewhere between a sigh and a sob.   
"What is it?" Daichi asked, rubbing Koushi's back softly.   
"My father," he started, voice shaking, "he's making me-,"  
He stopped, taking a deep calming breath as Daichi trailed his hand up his back and into his hair.   
"Shhh it'll be okay, take your time," he soothed. He could feel a wetness spreading across his chest from Koushi's silent tears.   
"My father is making me get married."  
  
Just like that Daichi's world came crashing down around him. Koushi had been a constant in his life for ten years and he couldn't imagine himself without him. It would be like imagining himself without a heart, seemingly whole but falling apart on the inside. He was nothing without Koushi.   
  
"Daichi what are we going to do?" Koushi asked, lifting his head, puffy red eyes meeting Daichi's blank stare.   
"What can we do?"  
He could feel the ice growing back around him, freezing him in place.  
"Run away with me," Koushi said, siting back on his knees to look Daichi in the eyes, determined.   
"We don't have anywhere to go," the ice was thickening little by little, surrounding him.   
"That doesn't matter if we have each other, Daichi please," tears were welling up in Koushi's chocolate eyes again.   
"I can't take care of you Koushi, we can't go. You'll be safest doing what your father says," he couldn't breathe. The ice was too thick.   
  
"Don't say that," he whispered, he sounded so small. He grabbed Daichi's shirt and pulled him forward, kissing him hard. Daichi could taste salt where Koushi's tears had slipped down to his lips.   
"I can't be without you, I love you, don't make me be without you," he said, his voice ragged, pressing kisses to every part of Daichi's face he could reach.   
"It's what's best for you," Daichi said, barely choking the words out.   
  
He felt like he was detached from himself. Like the real Daichi was stuck behind his wall of ice screaming for Koushi to stay, beating his fists against the wall, watching as his other self pushed Koushi away.   
  
"Is that it then? You're not even going to try?" Koushi asked, broken. The hurt showing on his face shattering Daichi's heart.   
"There's nothing I can do Koushi. I love you. I love you so much," his voice was empty. Defeated.   
  
Koushi leaned forward, pressing his forehead to Daichi's, closing his eyes and taking a ragged breath. He cupped Daichi's face and brushed their lips together, just the whisper of a kiss.   
"If you loved me then you would fight for me."  
  
Daichi didn't feel it as Koushi let go of his face and stood to leave. He was completely numb, frozen inside and out.   
He faintly heard Koushi stop before walking back down the hill, turning to him and whispering, "goodbye Daichi."  
  
It was hours before Daichi moved. The sun was rising, lighting the fields of water below him on fire with its orange light. He watched the fire spread out below him, and whispered to himself.   
"Goodbye, Moon."


	2. Nicknames

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I count the ways I let you down  
> On my fingers and toes but I'm running out  
> Clever words can't help me now  
> I grip you tight but you're slipping out
> 
> -Maroon 5

From his position in the coffee shop Daichi could see the baristas working behind the counter, but they couldn't see him. They were moving fluidly, taking orders and mixing drinks like a well oiled machine. A small ginger employee stood on his tiptoes to whisper to his fair haired coworker. A joke probably, judging from the musical laughter coming from the taller boy. Daichi drank in the sound like an addict getting his long awaited fix. He hadn't heard Suga laugh in so long.   
  
***  
  
Daichi didn't remember anything from that first life after he had let Koushi leave. He wouldn't learn until much later that that was because it ended. He didn't die. It was as if he just didn't exist in that lifetime anymore. Like someone had hit the reset button, causing him to start all over.  That life was the longest amount of time Daichi had ever spent with Suga. He never had the opportunity for that much time again, and those ten years were precious to him.   
  
He started a new life shortly after, born in 1804, this time in a fishing village in Eastern Japan. Growing up then he still didn't fully understand what was happening to him. The weird feelings he would get in his gut when he would look at the moon were strange and unexplained, and they only intensified after he met Sugawara, another boy his age living in the village.   
  
That morning as he waved goodbye to his father's retreating fishing boat Daichi noticed a boy standing in the water just a little bit off shore. He had a strange look on his face, as if he expected the water lapping at his knees to rear up and bite him.   
  
Daichi watched him for a while, observing. The boy was devastatingly familiar but Daichi couldn't put his finger on it. The thought was making his stomach roil and knot. He waited for the boy to move but he never did.   
Without thinking he yelled out "Hey!" and the boy turned, his brown eyes wide in surprise.   
"You haven't moved in a while, are you planning to stand there until all of the water dries up?" he joked, but it fell on deaf ears.   
"N-no!" The boy yelled back, cheeks flushing as he scurried out of the water.   
  
He stopped and stood in front of Daichi, head down and silver hair covering his face. He looked back at the water with the same intense expression he'd had moments before, and then turned to look up.   
"My name is Sugawara Koushi," he said, extending his hand, "I'm new here."  
He looked scared, as if Daichi was going to reject his friendship.   
"Sawamura Daichi," he replied, taking Sugawara's hand and shaking it. His eyes lit up and he smiled so wide it crinkled the freckle underneath his left eye.   
  
"So what were you doing in the water Sugawara?" Daichi asked. He was trying to joke with his new friend but he regretted it as the other boy's face fell.   
"I was...umm," he rubbed the back of his neck nervously. Daichi felt awful. He didn't want to force someone he just met to talk about something they were obviously uncomfortable with.    
"You don't have to-,"   
"I can't swim!" Sugawara interjected, hands clasped tight at his side and eyes shut tight. Daichi couldn't help but think he looked cute.   
  
"Well you aren't going to learn by staring at the water," Daichi jested, pushing Sugawara's shoulder gently. "Didn't you learn when you were little?" He asked.  
He must have expected Daichi to start making fun of him because he looked so relieved that Daichi's heart tugged in his chest.   
"I've never actually seen the ocean before. I used to live farther away but I came to live here with my uncle," he looked a bit sad but Daichi didn't question him further.   
"Really? All of the kids here get taught from the time they can walk," Daichi explained, "I can teach you if you want."   
"You can!? Wow Sawamura-san that's so nice!" Sugawara was practically jumping up and down with excitement.   
"Of course. We're friends aren't we?" He asked, smiling at the silver haired ball of energy in front of him.   
"Yeah!"   
Sugawara wrapped his arms around Daichi and hugged him tightly, catching him off guard.   
"Thank you so much Sawamura-san," he mumbled against Daichi's shoulder. He returned the hug, ignoring the fluttering in his stomach.   
"You're welcome," he said, smiling wide, "and you can call me Daichi."  
  
***  
  
Teaching Sugawara to swim proved to be even more fun that Daichi had anticipated. Every morning they'd meet up by the shore and Daichi would try his best to drag Sugawara farther into the water, but knee-deep seemed to be his limit. It was a week and a half before the smaller boy submerged himself completely.   
  
"Now just kick your legs and move your arms like we practiced," Daichi instructed. He was standing next to Sugawara who was attempting to float about three inches above the sandy floor.   
"Okay," he took a deep steadying breath, "I think I can do it."  
  
Sugawara started to push his arms through the water, propelling himself forward. He kept going, the water growing deeper and deeper around him but he didn't lose focus.   
"Kick your legs!" Daichi called out, watching the silver head bob up and down as it got farther away. He ran after him, pride swelling in his chest. Here he was, only eight years old, and he had taught another person to swim.   
  
"Daichi! Daichi I'm doing it!" Sugawara called, lifting one arm up to wave back at his friend.   
"You're a natural!" Daichi said, causing Sugawara to beam with pride.   
  
They swam like that for hours, Sugawara not wanting to leave the water it had taken him so long to get into. It was only when they both realized that they were starving that they headed back to the village.   
  
***  
  
Daichi's mother had cooked them lunch, smiling the whole time because her son had finally made a friend, and afterwards the boys headed back to their swimming spot.   
  
"I have an idea," Daichi announced, shooting Sugawara a sly smile.   
"What is it?" He asked, looking more than a little scared.   
Daichi turned and pointed to a little outcropping of land a few feet above the water line off to their left.   
"We should go up there and jump down and swim to shore. It'll be like a test!" He exclaimed, turning back to his friend. Sugawara didn't seem too eager.   
"I don't know Daichi, it looks a little high," He mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck and eyeing the cliff, unsure.   
"You'll do fine. You're a great swimmer!"   
Daichi grabbed Sugawara's hand and started pulling him over towards the incline leading to the cliff.   
  
When they reached the top and looked down Daichi realized that it was a lot higher than it looked but he refused to show weakness in front of Sugawara. He had to act brave so that his friend didn't lose his nerve. This _was_ his idea after all.   
  
"Okay!" Daichi said, clapping his hands together to look official. "You're gonna jump first and then I'll go in afterwards in case you need help."  
Sugawara didn't look very happy with that plan.   
"I still don't know about this," he said, uneasiness apparent in his voice.   
"C'mon, I'll be right there next to you," Daichi argued.   
  
Just then Sugawara smirked, an expression Daichi had never seen him make before.   
"What's that look for Su-GAH!" He was cut off as Sugawara effortlessly pushed him over the edge. He heard hysterical laughter right before he hit the surface of the water and came up sputtering.   
"Hey! What was that for!?" He called up, but Sugawara was already jumping after him, one hand clasped firmly over his nose.   
  
He came up next to Daichi with a gasp, and immediately started laughing.   
"You should've seen your face!" He giggled. "Su-GAH!" He mimicked, opening his eyes wide in mock fear.   
Daichi splashed him. He couldn't stay upset for long though, Sugawara's laughter was contagious.   
  
They swam back to shore and collapsed on the sand, exhausted. Sugawara rolled from his stomach onto his side and opened one eye to look at Daichi.   
"You know that's not too bad. Suga," he said, thinking.   
"What?" Daichi asked, wrinkling his brow.   
"Suga. That's what you yelled out when I pushed you. I kinda like it," he explained, smiling.   
"Oh,"Daichi said, thinking it over, "okay, I'll call you Suga then. That's a good nickname. Sugawara is a mouthful anyway," he teased. Suga flicked sand at him and smiled.   
  
They lay on the sand in the afternoon sun laughing and joking until they both fell asleep, completely drained from swimming all morning. Just before he drifted off, as he watched his friend breathe calmly in a out, Daichi felt as if he had known Suga for years instead of just over a week. The thought made his stomach uneasy.   
  
***  
  
When the summer heat was at its highest, the fish were at their largest. It became a competition with the older boys in the village as to who could bring in the biggest fish, obviously deeming them the strongest man. The adults had started to put bets on which boy would win and the whole ordeal had quickly gotten out of hand. There was even a festival planned to celebrate the winner.   
  
On the day before the competition Ukai-san, the oldest man in the village, was meant to pick the boy he thought would win. Every boy over the age of twelve was lined up awaiting the scrutinizing eye of Ukai-san.   
  
"We could catch a way bigger fish than those guys," Suga whispered to Daichi from their place amongst the crowd. They were the perfect height to see between the legs of the adults standing around them.   
"Suga we've never even gone fishing and those guys are way bigger than us," Daichi whispered back.   
"So what? You don't have to be big to catch a fish," Suga argued, craning his neck to get a better look at one of the biggest boys.   
"You do to catch a big fish. Do you even know how to row a boat?" He asked, but it was futile. Suga wasn't paying him any attention. Daichi rolled his eyes. Once Suga had his mind made up there was nothing he could do to change it.   
  
Ukai-san was nearing the end of the line when Suga grabbed Daichi's hand and pulled him towards the lineup.   
"Suga wait! What are you doing?" Daichi asked in a frantic whisper.   
"Shhh you'll cause a scene," Suga hushed, pulling Daichi behind him as he ducked between legs and under arms.   
  
He pulled them between two very large boys near the end of the line just before Ukai-san reached them. They both stood up straight, heads high, emulating the other boys around them. Daichi elbowed Suga in the ribs lightly which was returned with a smirk. Daichi swore to himself that he'd pay Suga back for this.   
  
When Ukai-san finally reached them Daichi was so nervous he couldn't breathe. He shut his eyes tight and stood as still as he could manage.   
  
The old man inspected him for what felt like hours. Then he burst out laughing. Daichi turned to look at Suga who shrugged. Neither of them had any idea what was going on.   
  
"You two are puny!" Ukai-san exclaimed after he caught his breath from laughing. "How do you expect to catch a big fish with those tiny arms?" He asked, wiping a tear from his eye.   
"We can do it! We can be strong too!" Suga yelled out indignantly. His face was red, making the silver of his hair stand out against it. Ukai-san let out another barking laugh.   
"How old are you boys?" He asked, leaning down patronizingly.   
"Eight years old sir," Daichi answered. He held his head high despite his embarrassment. There were some chuckles in the crowd and he felt his face grow hot.   
"Why don't you boys focus on catching minnows for now. Come back in about four years and maybe you can catch a real fish," he replied, ruffling Suga's hair before turning to leave.   
  
Suga looked so angry Daichi thought steam was going to come out of his ears. He turned and ran back through the crowd the way they had come in.   
"Suga wait!" Daichi called out, running after him.   
  
When he finally caught up they were standing on the shore where they had first met, and where Daichi had spent so much time teaching Suga to swim. Suga had his back to him, facing the water. Daichi reached out and placed a hand on his friend's shoulder.   
"Don't worry about what Ukai-san said. One day we'll catch the biggest fish anyone has ever seen and they'll all feel dumb for laughing at us," he said, imagining the look on Ukai-san's face when they dragged a giant fish into the village square.   
  
Suga turned to him with a surprisingly calm expression.   
"You're right," he smiled, "but we don't have to wait for someday. We're gonna do it tonight."  
Diachi had never seen Suga look this serious.   
"What do you mean?" He asked, afraid of what kind of scheme Suga was thinking up.   
"Tonight, when everyone goes to sleep, we're gonna sneak out and take a boat out on the water. We're gonna fish all night and when everyone wakes up tomorrow morning we'll be dragging up our giant fish!" He exclaimed, grabbing Daichi's hand and looking at him expectantly.   
"Suga..."  
"Pleeeeeease Daichi,"  
Suga looked up at him pleadingly, batting his long silver lashes. Daichi ignored the fluttering in his stomach and tried to think logically.   
  
Daichi thought it over. He already knew that there was no way he could convince Suga not to do something after he had made up his mind and he definitely didn't want his friend to go through with this ridiculous plan alone. There was no way for him to win.   
Sighing in defeat he looked up and met Suga's warm brown eyes wide with excitement.  
"Fine," he said, "we'll meet here tonight."  
  
***  
  
That night as Daichi made his way towards the spot where he and Suga had agreed to meet he couldn't shake the sense of dread deep in the pit of his stomach. Usually there were the sounds of crickets and nocturnal animals filling the empty space of night but everything was silent, as if the world was holding its breath. Waiting for something.   
  
As the meeting spot came into view Daichi could see Suga standing at the edge of the water, staring out at it pensively. Was the abnormal stillness in the air affecting him too? He turned, a slight breeze ruffling his shaggy silver hair, and smiled at Daichi. He shook his head to clear it and smiled back, he was probably just being overly paranoid.   
  
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Daichi asked, hoping that Suga had had enough time to think responsibly and change his mind.   
"Of course! We've already come this far we can't turn back now."  
"Suga we aren't even in the boat yet."  
"We're doing this Daichi," Suga replied sternly. He was so determined Daichi was a bit intimidated.   
He sighed, defeated, and Suga grabbed his hand to pull him towards the boats.   
  
They picked one of the smaller fishing boats closest to the edge and worked together to push it into the water, running next to it and jumping in when it was deep enough to float.   
They took turns rowing until the village was just a speck in the distance behind them. It took them a while to figure out how to rig up the heavy wooden fishing poles but after an hour or so they were fishing.   
  
Suga was excited, keeping up a constant stream of chatter, decorating the silence with his voice, but Daichi's stomach was in knots. He was nervous. It wasn't the late night escapade or the vastness of the open water surrounding them, but something else entirely. Something he couldn't quite put his finger on. It felt as if the earth was at a standstill, like time was moving by like jelly, thick in the air, stagnant.   
  
He still felt as if he had known Suga for far longer than he actually had. It had been eating away at him since the day they had played on the cliffs, getting worse and worse every day. Every time he looked into the other boy's eyes he'd get a feeling of déjà vu so intense it made him sick. And now, sitting here in the moonlight, the feeling was worse than it had ever been.   
  
"Daichi? Daichi!" Suga called out, pulling Daichi from his reverie.   
"Huh? Oh I'm sorry," he said, rubbing his eyes and trying to clear his muddled thoughts.   
"Were you listening?"  
"N-no. I'm really tired. I'm sorry."  
"This is no time to be tired Daichi we have a giant fish to catch!" Suga exclaimed, beaming at him. Daichi's stomach lurched.   
  
They sat in silence for a while, the water lapping against the side of the boat being the only sound. Gathering his courage Daichi reached out and grabbed Suga's hand, startling him.   
"Suga I have a question," he said, his voice cracking from nervousness.   
"Uh, ok," Suga said, brow furrowing in confusion, "what is it?"  
  
Daichi took a deep shaky breath. He could do this.   
"Do you ever feel like...you've lived before? Like /we've/ lived before?" He was breathless and was probably squeezing Suga's hand too tight.   
"What do you mean?" Suga asked, worry in his eyes.   
There was no going back now. The spout was open and his words were spilling out.   
"Sometimes I get the feeling that I've known you before. Like I lived in a different place and different time but you were there. But it was a different you," he paused, thinking, "and then sometimes I look at you and you're the _same_ , like you've never changed, in hundreds of years."  
"Daichi you're scaring me,"   
"Suga please! Tell me I'm not crazy! Tell me you feel it too!" He could feel tears welling in his eyes and he wiped at them, angry that he was being so weak.   
"I...I don't. I don't feel like that. Ever."  
The tears were falling faster now. This couldn't happen. He wasn't crazy. He knew he was right.   
"Suga..." He started, but he didn't know what to say.  
  
"I don't feel it, but that doesn't mean you're crazy. I believe you Daichi," Suga said with a soft smile.   
"You do?"  
"Of course I do. You're my best friend. And, Daichi I-," he was interrupted by the sound of wood rattling against wood. Suga's fishing pole was being tugged against the side of the boat.  
"I've got a bite!" He yelled, grabbing the pole with both hands and pulling it up. But he wasn't strong enough. The fish pulled so hard that the boat flipped over, tossing both boys into the ocean.   
  
Daichi felt like he was falling in slow motion, or maybe he was sinking, the sky above him rippling in strange patterns. He reached out towards it but his hands gripped at nothing. There was nothing around him to grab onto, he was just sinking farther and farther away from the sky. Everything was silent and calm, peaceful, until he could feel a fire in his chest, burning brighter and brighter until he couldn't take it anymore. He started thrashing his arms and legs around until the sky got closer and he broke through the ceiling of rippling light.   
  
He came up gasping, coughing out the fire in his lungs. The overturned boat was close enough to grab onto, and he laid himself over the curve of the bottom, eyes closed and breathing hard.   
  
It took him a few moments to realize what had happened. His eyes snapped open.   
"Suga!" He screamed, his throat ragged from the salt water. He turned frantically, searching for any sign of his friend among the water's surface, but he didn't see anything. There was no sign of the silver haired boy anywhere. He jumped back into the water, searching beneath it's still glass surface, but came up empty handed. He searched for anything, a silver glint, an outstretched arm, anything, but there was no sign of Suga.   
  
Daichi stayed out there for hours, screaming until no sound would come from his throat, swimming until he collapsed from exhaustion on top of the overturned boat.   
  
When the sun rose the other fishing boats started to head out towards him. They found him, eyes bloodshot and dry sobbing atop the boat. They tried asking him what had happened but all he could manage to choke out was "Suga. I have to find Suga."  
  
Someone dragged him back to shore. He didn't know who it was. He didn't care. They returned him to his mother who was crying and fussing over him, trying to give him food and water before laying him down on his bed. She tried asking him the same questions the others had asked but he was too far gone. He was broken. Mind, body, and soul. He closed his burning dry eyes and let darkness wash over him like a blanket, letting go of his ties to this world, welcoming the thought of becoming someone else. 


	3. Keepsake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is kind of short but I'll make up for it with the next one!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With everything in the past  
> Fading faster and faster until it was gone  
> Found out I was losing so much more than I knew all along  
> Because everything I've been working for  
> Was only worth nickels and dimes  
> But if I had a minute for every hour that I've wasted  
> I'd be rich in time, I'd be doing fine  
> Without you I was broken  
> But I'd rather be broke down with you by my side
> 
> -Jack Johnson

From then on he was fully awake. Like a switch had been flipped in his brain and turned him on. Daichi never again questioned if the memories of his past lives were real.  He knew they were. He remembered so much.   
  
Daichi was born again in 1818, too aware. It's odd being conscious of your own reincarnation, like you knew too much about the universe.  It felt like cheating at a celestial game of chance where one misstep sends you back to the beginning. But now he knew where the traps were. He wouldn't make the same mistakes over again.   
  
It wasn't as if he was born knowing everything he had in the past, it was predominately memories that carried over, not knowledge. He had to relearn how to count and that fire is hot, all of the simple things, but he always had a sense of awareness of his own existence. Like an old soul inside of a child.   
  
This life was what Daichi referred to as "The Empty One". He didn't speak a single word to Suga in over seventy years of life, the only time he had ever lived out his entire lifespan.    
  
Suga didn't make an appearance until Daichi was in his early twenties. The sight of that silver hair hit him so hard he felt like the air in his lungs had been sucked dry. He could taste salt at the back of his throat, burning, images of a vast ocean flashing before him. There he was, emotions flooding, mind racing, heart pounding, but Suga had no idea. He was just a man happening to pass by another man during his daily activities, paying him no mind. And why would he?   
  
The pain of losing Suga the way he had was still fresh, and seeing him was like ripping the bandages off of a barely closed wound. Daichi seemed to be all bandages nowadays, holding together the scraps of a man. He wasn't ready to lose him again, like he had so many times before, so he just kept walking. He and Suga were strangers passing on the street. Nothing more.   
  
***  
  
Daichi went out that day and bought some rough paper from a traveling merchant along with a stick of charcoal and a beautiful bamboo box. It was almost every cent he had but he didn't care. This was more important than anything else.   
  
His idea was to create a memory box because even now his oldest memories were weak and he wanted to remember everything. He would never allow himself to forget a single second he had spent with Suga.   
  
Daichi couldn't read or write, so he drew. Sketches upon sketches until he was out of paper and his charcoal was nothing but a nub. He drew every image of Suga he could remember. Suga sleeping in the grass. Suga laughing at something he had said. Staring at the stars and pointing out constellations. Covered in mud clutching a frog with the pudgy fingers of a child. Standing regally at the side of the emperor's throne. They were all there. Every single memory.   
  
Daichi had never drawn a single picture in his life but he could recreate every curve of Suga's body perfectly. Every scar, every freckle, all of him. He drew until his fingers blistered and his heart was heavy.   
When he was done he placed the papers in the box and closed it.   
  
***  
  
When Daichi had been a child in his current lifetime he had a special place he called his quiet spot. It was grassy, surrounded by large old trees. He'd go there when he was upset with his mother or when the other kids were cruel to him and he'd sit underneath the largest tree and just allowed himself to be upset. When he was ten and his mother passed way he had cried under that tree for hours, letting his sadness pour out of him. He had found that allowing himself just to feel his emotions helped him to deal with them.   
  
It had been about eight years since his last visit to his quiet spot, but he was back now, and it was just as he had left it.   
  
He sat beneath the tree, feeling the bark familiar against his back, and opened his box. He went through the pictures one by one.   
  
With each page he became the Daichi that had existed at that time. He felt every emotion over again, soaking in the good along with the bad, laughing and crying along with Suga. He felt every smile, every tear, and every kiss. He was there for hours, reliving every moment.   
  
It was dark when he returned the last sketch to the box, one of eight year old Suga clutching a fishing pole and beaming. He closed the box and set it to the side, sighing deeply. He had expected his mind to be muddled with too many emotions but it was clear, like an enormous load had been lifted from his chest.   
  
He began to dig. He dug a hole at the base of the tree using only his bare hands and a stick he'd found lying in the grass. He carved the earth out from between the thick tree roots, forming an alcove. When it was deep enough he nestled the box between the curved roots and began to refill the hole. The sun was rising, setting the leaves of the trees ablaze with the light of the new day.   
  
He hoped that one day he would get the chance to find this box again and add all of his new memories to it. He hoped even more that someday he'd be able to share it with Suga, and Suga would remember too.   
  
***  
  
Daichi was in his thirties when he saw Suga again. It was from a distance but there was no mistaking that silver hair. He was clutching the hand of a young dark haired boy, and off to their side was a girl, slightly older than the other child, with long hair the color of moonlight. These were Suga's children. The boy started to fuss and rub his eyes clumsily with the back of his hand. Suga lifted him easily only his back and the boy laid his sleepy head against his father's shoulder.   
  
Watching how the small family fit together so easily Daichi was painfully aware of his own loneliness. He had never taken a wife like Suga apparently had and he had no other family. The smiles on the faces of Suga and his children made Daichi incredibly happy, but at the same time he wished beyond everything that he could be the cause of those smiles. Was Suga really that happy without him? In every memory he could conjure up they'd been together, becoming the source of each other's joy. Daichi had learned by now that he couldn't be happy without Suga but was the reverse also true? Were they truly meant to be together or was this all a cruel one-sided joke the universe was playing on him?  
  
The joy that Daichi and Suga brought each other was a double edged sword. Every life they'd spent together was cut short by either a tragic accident or Daichi's own cowardice, and he couldn't help but blame himself. This was the first time he'd ever ignored Suga and here he was living a normal happy life. Healthy and _alive_.  
  
Daichi had spent every day wondering if ignoring Suga was the right decision and he was sure that if those children weren't with him there would be nothing stopping him from approaching the man now. But he couldn't bring himself to do it. Even if there was nothing Daichi wanted more than to hold Suga in his arms again he couldn't go through losing him again. Not now. And he especially couldn't be the reason two children lost their father.   
  
Suga started to walk away, taking the hand of his daughter and saying something to her, the young girl nodding in response. Daichi couldn't hear clearly over the distance but he had faintly heard "Takashi" and "Natsuki", which he assumed were the names of the two children. He watched the three figures grow smaller on the horizon, none the wiser to the man so infatuated with their existence.   
  
Daichi had thought that watching Suga die was the worst pain he'd ever experience, but he knew now that he hadn't known a thing about true pain.   
  
***  
  
Suga had made more appearances in Daichi's life but he had learned to tune them out. It was incredible how close they existed to each other without ever interacting. It made Daichi wonder how many times he had passed the same strangers in his life without ever noticing.   
  
From a distance he watched Suga's children grow. They seemed to grow like weeds, gaining several inches between every encounter. Takashi shot up until he towered over Suga, and Natsuki was even more beautiful than her father, if that was possible. Suga always looked at them with so much pride in his eyes that Daichi couldn't help but be proud of them himself.   
  
Eventually Suga's children were old enough to lead their own lives, and after many years Daichi even saw Natsuki clutching the hand of her own child. He had never realized how much time had passed.   
  
The last time that he happened upon Suga it really hit him just how long his life had been. There were thick wrinkles spread across Suga's face, but his eyes were just as alert and warm as he had remembered them, never aging a day.   
  
Daichi had lived seventy seven years before his own mortality caught up with him. Lying in his bed, sick, frail, and painfully alone, he regretted everything. Every second he had wasted in this life without Suga. He couldn't help but worry if he would get another chance after this or if he had ruined everything.   
  
He had spent years convincing himself that he had done the right thing and that Suga was happier without him, but now he was honest with himself. The only thing that was important to him was Suga, and he was willing to sacrifice anything to spend even a second by his side. If that was selfish of him then so be it.   
  
As his mind grew quiet and his world darkened Daichi only had one thought, he begged any God that would listen to give him another chance. 


	4. Up In Smoke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw: blood/guns/slight gore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's not a silly little moment,  
> It's not the storm before the calm.  
> This is the deep and dying breath of  
> This love that we've been working on.  
> Can't seem to hold you like I want to  
> So I can feel you in my arms.  
> Nobody's gonna come and save you,  
> We pulled too many false alarms.  
> We're going down,  
> And you can see it too.  
> We're going down,  
> And you know that we're doomed.  
> My dear,  
> We're slow dancing in a burning room.
> 
> -John Mayer

Once in a while the universe would smile on Daichi when it wasn't busy cruelly toying with his heart. Just silly things to remind him that he wasn't imagining things. That everything was real no matter how much he wanted it all to be a drawn out nightmare.   
  
When he was nineteen, in his second year of college, Daichi got the opportunity to study abroad for a semester in Kaga, a city in the Ishikawa Prefecture of Japan. He was studying Japanese literature and customs since his father had always lectured him about becoming more in tune with his culture. If only his father knew how ironic those statements were.   
  
While in Kaga Daichi was dragged around sightseeing by his classmates every weekend they had free. They always insisted he tag along since he seemed to understand the locals a lot better than the rest of them could and his Japanese pronunciations were perfect. They all had studied Japanese as part of their majors but Daichi seemed to catch onto the language much quicker than the others.   
  
One such morning he was woken up bright and early by an overly energetic classmate and dragged out into the morning sun before he had a chance to protest. They wandered around the city for hours until they found themselves in Yamanaka Onsen, a city in Kaga that was, according to the tourist information brochures, famous for its natural hot springs.   
  
The other students were buzzing with excitement, dragging Daichi towards the hot springs, but he wasn't feeling up to it. As his classmates eagerly filed into one of the bathhouses, Daichi slipped silently away. The city was very familiar to him but it felt all wrong, like being in a house exactly like your own but with different furniture and a different family. It made him uneasy.   
  
He wandered around close to the bathhouses, soaking in the scenery, not paying attention to where he was going. He happened upon a tree, towering over him, and his blood went cold. He knew this place. He knew this _tree_. It had been over one hundred and fifty years but he still knew this tree.   
  
At the base of the trunk there was an informational plaque for tourists. According to the plaque the tree was called the great sugi of Kayano, the largest of the four sacred trees of the Sugawara Shrine in Yamanaka Onsen.   
  
Daichi couldn't stop himself from bursting out laughing. Out of all of the jokes the universe had played on him over the last few centuries this had to be his favorite.   
  
He laughed until his stomach muscles were sore and his eyes were wet with tears, then he plopped down at the base of the tree trunk, leaning his back against the familiar bark and just sat there, breathing in the rich scent of earth and grass and smiling. For the first time in decades he felt like everything was going to be okay.   
  
***  
  
The bamboo box was sitting in front of him on the cafe table, the old wood darkened from spending almost two centuries underground.   
  
No one had ever found out why someone had dug a hole underneath the great sugi in the middle of the night, but nothing seemed to be vandalized so it wasn't investigated very deeply. It had been over a year and the incident was well forgotten by the citizens of Kaga.   
  
Daichi had spent a few nights adding new sketches to the now complete box and now, sitting in the cafe with his entire existence dwelling inside of a single wooden cube, he wasn't sure exactly what to do with it.   
  
***  
  
Japan declared war on Germany in August of 1914 when Daichi was almost fourteen years old. The response was immediate and soon every man and boy old enough to carry a gun was marching out into what was being referred to as The Great War.   
  
Daichi knew nothing about the war. He didn't know why it had started or where he was going. He didn't even know what a Germany was.   
All he knew was that his uniform was itchy, the cuffs were long and covered his hands, and his hat was too big and fell over his eyes while he was marching. And that he was scared.   
  
Somewhere during the drafting process, while weapons and other gear were being thrust in his face, Daichi had been separated from his father. When they were divided into troops and he still couldn't find him Daichi knew he was alone.   
  
His troop had been marching for days with little food and water and even less sleep. He was dead on his feet, ready to fall over from exhaustion at any moment, but he pushed on. Even though he had no idea what was going on he felt the need to stand tall and prove himself a man alongside the other soldiers.   
  
His hat fell forward again, pushing on his eyelashes and awkwardly resting on his eyelids. He sighed and pushed it up for the millionth time. He would've taken it off if the sun wasn't so bright and hot above him. With his sight momentarily cleared Daichi took a moment to scan his surroundings. The men around him were all much larger than him and it was as if he was surrounded by walls of marching legs.   
  
Daichi noticed a flurry of movement to his left. A boy, who looked to be about the same age as him, had stopped marching, placing his hands on his knees and bending over, panting. Daichi almost stopped himself to ask the boy if he was ok but the soldier walking behind him pushed the boy forward, knocking him to his knees. His oversized hat flew off of his head and silver hair poured out, covering his face. Daichi's heart stopped. He immediately dropped to his knees beside the boy as the other soldiers stepped roughly around or over them.   
  
"Are you okay?" He asked as he pulled the boy up gently by the arm, shielding him as best he could from the storm of heavy boots.   
The boy just nodded, looking up at Daichi, eyes wide with both fear and surprise. They were warm, chocolate brown and familiar. It was like finding home in the unknown wilderness they were trekking through.   
  
When Daichi got the boy on his feet and they were both safely marching again the boy spoke.   
"Thank you for not letting me get trampled," he said sheepishly.   
"No problem. We can't lose any soldiers before we even get to the war," he jested, but neither of them laughed.   
"I just lost my breath for a minute. And I ran out of water hours ago," the boy said, holding up an empty canteen to prove it.   
Daichi pulled out his own canteen and offered it to the him.   
"Here I still have some left. You can have it," he smiled.   
He'd give this boy anything. He'd give him his still beating heart if he wanted it.   
"Oh no I can't-,"  
"Just take it," Daichi insisted, pushing it forward with more force. The boy took it, taking a swig and swallowing loudly. "I just have one condition." Daichi stated. The boy looked worried.   
"You have to be my friend," Daichi said, beaming. The boy wiped the water on his lips with the back of his hand and then extended it, smiling.   
"Sugawara Koushi," he introduced himself, "but you can call me Suga."  
Daichi was smiling so wide he could feel his face muscles straining. He had waited so long to hear those words.   
"Sawamura Daichi," he said, shaking Suga's hand.   
"Nice to meet you Daichi. And thanks again for the water," Suga said, flashing that winning smile that Daichi had missed so much.   
"Nice to meet you too Suga," Daichi replied.   
Whatever this war was bringing, whatever was waiting for them on the battleground, and Daichi knew he would be okay with Suga by his side.   
  
***    
  
When Daichi had pictured himself in war he had imagined he'd be dodging enemy bullets on the battlefield or tossing grenades at the Germans. Instead he was stuck on a ship putting together weapons for the Japanese army to launch at the Imperial German Navy. He and Suga had both been assigned to this menial work since they were young and practically useless. Neither boy had argued since they honestly didn't want to have to directly harm anybody.   
  
It had been months since the start of the war and Daichi and Suga had been inseparable ever since they'd met. They worked under the deck of the ship, in one of the lowest sections, but usually they ended up just waiting around for orders. There were windows, but they showed nothing but a vast seascape of green.    
  
"I didn't know war could be so boring," Suga sighed, leaning against the wall and staring out into the sea.   
"I don't know it's not that bad," Daichi replied. He was sitting at their worktable, chin resting on his crossed arms. Suga turned to look at him.   
"I guess. It's just, I don't know this probably sounds awful, but I was expecting more of an adventure," he said, taking the chair opposite Daichi at the worktable.   
  
"I know what you mean. I didn't know what to expect but it definitely wasn't this. And I never would've guessed I'd spend my fourteenth birthday in the bottom of a rusty ship," Daichi shrugged, "but it beats the alternative I guess." At least Suga was out of harm’s way down here.   
"Is today your birthday?" Suga asked, eyes bright with excitement.   
  
"I don't know the exact date but if my count is right then it should be late December right now. My birthday is the 31st,"   
"No way! Daichi we have to celebrate!" Suga exclaimed, standing up and slamming his palms against the table.   
"No really it's not that big of a deal," Daichi backpedaled, trying to calm down his overly excited friend.    
"Sawamura Daichi this is the first interesting thing to happen since we got here _we are celebrating_ ," he said, looking determined and slightly scary. Daichi sighed, defeated.   
  
Suga started pacing the room, one hand cupping his chin and the other on his hip, trying to think of ways in which they could celebrate, his eyebrows pinched together in concentration. Daichi thought to himself that just being here with Suga, seeing his cute scrunched up face, was more than he could ever ask for.  
  
"Aha!" Suga snapped his fingers, pulling Daichi out of his thoughts, and turned to him with a sly smile. "I've got it!"  
"What'd you come up with?" Daichi asked tentatively, worried for what the answer could be.   
"I can't tell you,"   
"But-,"   
"Yet!" Suga interjected, retaking his seat at the table. "I can't tell you _yet_. First I have to sing to you."  
  
Daichi could feel the blush creep into his cheeks. He'd lived hundreds of years and yet he'd never heard Suga sing.   
Suga cleared his throat dramatically and winked at Daichi.   
"You don't have to-"  
"Shhh. You'll break my concentration."  
  
He started to sing, and his voice was like honey, sweet and rich. It washed over Daichi like a warm shower surrounding him in sunshine. Suga wasn't just a boy, he was a muse, and his song was like golden light pouring from his soul. Daichi's heart was beating so hard he could feel it in his eardrums.   
  
Daichi was so transfixed that it took him a moment to realize the song had ended.   
"W-wow, Suga," he started, shaking his head in disbelief, "that was /beautiful/."  
Suga's cheeks flushed rosy pink and he rubbed nervously at the back of his neck.   
"It was nothing," he muttered, looking at the ground.   
  
After a few moments of embarrassed silence Suga stood back up.   
"Okay!" He clapped his hands together and tried to look serious. "Onto the next part of the celebration!" The color tingeing his cheeks wasn't fading and he had started pacing again.   
  
"Suga?" Daichi said, standing up. "You're worrying me."  
Suga took a deep breath and walked towards Daichi, stopping when there was about half an inch of space between their chests.   
Up close Daichi could see that even Suga's eyelashes were delicately silver. How could it be possible for one person to be this beautiful?  
  
"I don't know exactly how to put this-," he started, making Daichi's heart flutter in anticipation, but he was jolted out of his speech by a loud crashing sound and a violent shaking that knocked both boys off of their feet.   
Suga landed on his back with Daichi on top of him, doing his best to prop himself up. Their wide eyes met, lingering, until another crash brought them back to attention.   
  
"What was that?" Daichi asked, standing and pulling Suga to his feet.   
"It sounded like an attack," Suga whispered, "C'mon we have to go check it out," he said despite the apparent fear in his voice, grabbing Daichi's hand and pulling him towards the stairs.   
  
At the top of the stairs they peeked around and down the hallway, moving forward when it seemed clear. They could hear shouts and gunshots above them, heavy boots pounding against the metal floor that was their roof. They both held heavy rifles in their shaky grips.   
  
They climbed a second flight of stairs, getting closer to the source of the commotion. They could hear more explosions farther away. Hitting other ships close to theirs.   
Neither spoke. They didn't even dare to breathe.   
  
The sounds were deafening now. They turned to each other, conveying a thousand words through their expressions, and nodded. They had to continue. They pushed forward, closer and closer to the deck.   
  
The crashing of boots was approaching them and they both raised their guns as a German soldier burst into the hallway before them. He shouted something in German that Daichi couldn't understand before raising his own gun.    
  
Daichi could feel the trigger beneath his finger, cold and biting. He knew Suga well enough to know that he could never shoot a man, so this was all up to Daichi.   
He kept his finger on the trigger for what felt like hours, but it was a mere second hesitation.   
  
And then he heard it. The exploding sound of a bullet leaving the chamber of the German soldier's gun. Everything was in slow motion. Daichi watched as the bullet left the chamber, spinning slowly through the air. His boots were glued to the floor as if they suddenly weighed a thousand pounds. He couldn't move.  He was helpless, useless. He could do absolutely nothing as he watched the bullet sink into Suga's shoulder and rip through the fabric in the back, spraying hot blood across Daichi's face. He could taste iron on his tongue. He could hear a distant screaming. It sounded faintly like his own voice, hushed in the distance. He was motionless as Suga was thrown backwards into him by the sheer momentum of the bullet. They fell together, the back of Daichi's head slamming hard against the metal floor with a sickening crack. He saw a brief spattering of silver stars across his vision before blacking out.   
  
***  
  
The air smelled of dirt and something off putting and tinny. It was unsettling when juxtaposed with the scent of salt and gunpowder Daichi was used to.   
  
He wrinkled his nose, squeezing his eyes shut and curling up tighter on his rough bed. Except he wasn't in a bed, he was propped up against a wall and his hands were bound. His head was pounding at the base of his skull, a thick throbbing pain, and suddenly it all came back to him. The attack, the soldier, the shot. _Suga_.  
  
His eyes flew open, the sudden light causing his head to spin. His vision was blurry, slowly clearing as he scanned his surroundings. He was in a wood paneled room dimly lit by a lantern sitting on a table at the center. It was dingy and small. On the wall in front of Daichi there was a small window. It was blocked by earth except for an inch gap at the top showing the night sky. He was underground, which accounted for the thick scent of dirt. But what was the tinny smell?  
  
Turning to his right Daichi found it. The source of the other smell.   
Suga was next to him, propped up against the wall just the same, hands bound by a thick rope. The shoulder of his uniform was caked with dried blood. If Daichi hadn't known better he would have thought it was mud. He was unconscious, head lolling forward, limp.   
  
"Oh god, Suga," Daichi whispered, shocked, "please don't be dead. Please don't be dead Suga."   
Daichi pulled roughly at the rope around his wrists, gently at first, but then rougher, more desperate. He needed to get to Suga and make sure he was okay. He tugged until the flesh underneath the ropes was red and raw. His skin tore open on one side, leaking blood down his forearm, but he didn't feel any pain.   
  
The pounding of heavy boots sounded outside of the door, getting louder with each step before stopping just outside. The door was thrown open and two German soldiers filed in, one carrying a rifle and the other a brown case.   
  
They stopped in front of Daichi and the armed soldier pointed the gun at his chest. The other kneeled down and growled out something in German. When Daichi didn't answer the soldier slapped him hard. It stung but he didn't cry out. He could feel finger shaped welts rising on the burning skin of his cheek.   
  
The soldier turned to the other and growled something else. The armed soldier nodded.   
"He says where is your base," the man said in broken Japanese.   
"I don't know," Daichi spat. The soldier slapped him again and Daichi bit his tongue to keep from whimpering.   
  
The soldiers spoke to each other again.   
"Does he know?" The man asked, pointing his chin at Suga. Daichi's tough act was dropped immediately.  
"No! He doesn't know anything I swear! Neither of us do! Just leave him alone!" He yelled, his voice cracking.   
The kneeling soldier stood up and then crouched back down in front of Suga, grabbing a fistful of hair roughly and pulling his head back.   
"Bastard! Don't touch him!" Daichi screamed, kicking out with his legs and falling onto his side.   
The soldier laughed, letting Suga's head fall limply forward again.   
  
He grabbed Daichi's wrists and cut the ropes, thrusting the brown case he had been holding into his hands. Daichi sat back up, eyeing the man suspiciously, and opened it finding rolls of gauze and bandages.   
"Fix him," the soldier said, his Japanese even more garbled than the other's was.   
He cut the ropes from Suga's wrists and turned to leave.  
"We'll be back to talk to him," said the soldier with the gun before he turned to follow.   
  
Daichi sat stunned for a few minutes before rushing to Suga's side. He laid Suga down on the wooden floor, taking off his uniform jacket to fold underneath his head before removing the blood caked one from the other boy.   
The shirt underneath had even more blood on it than the jacket. As he removed Suga's soiled shirt Daichi preyed over and over to any god that was listening to please let Suga be okay. Please don't take him. Not yet.   
  
Daichi had no idea how long it had been since the attack but judging by Suga's wound it had been a while. The flesh around the entry hole was ragged and purple, surrounded by swollen pink skin. Daichi wasn't a doctor but he knew an infection when he saw one. With shaking hands he pushed gingerly on the festered area but nothing happened. It needed to be lanced and drained.   
  
Rummaging through the first aid kit Daichi found a blunt scalpel and some iodine. He spread the thick yellow past over Suga's shoulder and the blade of the scalpel before pressing the metal tip to the bullet hole. He lifted his left hand to his mouth and bit down hard on his fist while he sunk the blade into Suga's skin.   
  
Suga's eyes shot open and he screamed, dry and ragged.   
"Suga!" Daichi exclaimed, letting go of the blade and holding firm onto Suga's shoulders to keep him from sitting up.   
"Shhhh it's okay. Just stay still," he whispered, meeting Suga's eyes wide with terror and pain.   
"Daichi?" He croaked. "Wh-where are we? Why are you stabbing me?"  
He was still delirious and obviously confused.   
"The Germans raided our ship and brought us here. I don't know exactly where we are but we're alive. But Suga... Suga you were shot," he choked out. This was all his fault. He shouldn't have let Suga walk first. He should have protected him.   
  
"I... I think I remember," Suga said slowly, blinking the cloudiness from his eyes. He looked over at his wounded shoulder and went so pale Daichi thought he was going to faint.   
He gulped loudly.   
"There's uh, there's a knife sticking out of my shoulder."  
"Oh!" Daichi grabbed it and pulled it out as gently as he could.   
  
Suga was clenching his jaw tightly, trying to keep all signs of pain off of his face.   
"I'm so sorry," Daichi whispered, fist clenching around the bloody scalpel.   
"I have to clean it and dress it. It's infected pretty badly."  
"Why didn't I bleed out?" Suga asked through gritted teeth, eyeing his blood soaked uniform lying on the ground.  
"I don't think it hit anything major. You would've been fine if it had been treated right away."  
Suga paled again.   
"Not that you're not okay!" Daichi backtracked. "Once I drain it you'll be fine!"  
Daichi hoped his words weren't empty.   
"Do what you have to."  
  
Returning to the wound Daichi found that it had almost closed up again. He grabbed some gauze and held it underneath the opening and squeezed gingerly. A stream of yellow pus leaked out and he could see Suga start to sweat.   
Wiping at the pus Daichi continued to squeeze.   
  
After a few minutes Suga was covered in a sheen of sweat and panting, his wound leaking only blood now. Daichi had been apologizing over and over for the whole ordeal.   
He put clean gauze over the entry and exit wounds and wrapped it up with white tape around Suga's shoulder and underneath his arm.   
  
"That should do it," he said, sitting back and checking the bandages, wiping sweat from his own forehead.   
"Thank you Daichi," Suga panted. "I'd probably die without you." He tried to smile but it was weak and strained. Daichi could feel his heart clench in his chest. Suga had no idea how wrong he was.   
"I don't know I think you'd be better off," he said, pretending to joke.   
"Don't be ridiculous," Suga replied weakly. They sat in silence for a few minutes until Daichi was sure that Suga had fallen back asleep.   
  
"Daichi." His voice was small and almost distant, but still warm.   
"Hmm?"  
"We never finished your birthday party."  
"Suga this really isn't the time."  
"There you go being ridiculous again. You never learn do you?" Even in his weakened state Suga was still teasing him. Unbelievable.   
  
"Fine. You win. What's the next part?" He asked, humoring the other boy.   
"Your present," Suga answered, his eyebrows knit together, trying to be serious.   
"What-,"  
"Shhhh," Suga cut him off. "Just come here," he said, gesturing with the hand of his good arm.   
  
Daichi sighed. There was no arguing with Suga even when he was wounded and dehydrated. He crawled over to Suga and sat on his knees.   
"Closer," he croaked.   
Daichi leaned forward, his head inches above the other boy's.   
In a flash, and probably using every ounce of his strength, Suga leaned up and kissed Daichi quickly on the lips.   
  
It was sudden but Daichi felt every part of it. He could feel the roughness of Suga's dry lips against his own and could taste the salt of sweat mixed with tears. And then it was gone. Quick and fleeting just like Suga himself.   
"Happy birthday," Suga whispered, lying back down, pain flashing quickly across his face.   
  
Daichi was shocked, frozen for a few moments. He wanted to say something back. He wanted to tell Suga he loved him. That he had always loved him. But the he was already fast asleep.   
  
***  
  
At some point in the night Daichi had fallen asleep with one hand encircling Suga's. His fingers were slim, almost dainty, and warm. He never wanted to let go.   
  
There was sun shining through the strip of glass at the top of the window, signaling the day time. Daichi sat up, his head throbbing, this time from dehydration rather than injury. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes he turned to the bandages on Suga's shoulder. Nothing had bled through and they still seemed clean so he allowed Suga to stay asleep, taking the chance to admire him.   
  
He watched as his chest rose and fell rhythmically. His lips were slightly parted, eyes closed with long silver lashes brushing against his cheek. He looked like an angel and Daichi thought he probably was. A stray fallen angel that was always by his side. Saving him just by existing.  
  
The sound of boots on the stairs interrupted the silence before the door was slammed open and the two soldiers filed in, waking Suga who sat up quickly with a pained grimace. It was the same as before, one soldier holding a gun and pointing it at Daichi, but instead of a first aid kit this time the other soldier was holding food and water. Daichi was suddenly aware of his own parched throat and cracking lips.   
"Adler," the man said. Was that the armed soldier's name? He barked out a sentence in German and the other man, Adler, nodded before turning back to Daichi.   
  
"He says where is your base," Adler asked, the exact same way he had the day before.   
"I already told you I don't know," Daichi replied, he tried to seem spiteful but there was a hint of desperation in his voice.   
The other soldier just glared at him and turned to Suga. Warning bells started to go off in Daichi's mind.  
  
The man’s face was inches from Suga's as he growled out another question, clearly frustrated.   
"I don't understand," Suga whispered, nervous and confused. Daichi could see the man flex his fingers and start to raise his hand.   
"No!" Daichi yelled, reaching out to grab the man’s forearm.   
"Wilmar," Alder growled.   
Wilmar dropped his arm and glared at Daichi, learning back out of Suga's face and standing up.   
  
Alder sat his gun down and turned to Suga.   
"Do you want water?" Alder asked, taking a container and offering it to Suga. He nodded and lifted his good arm to take it but the man snatched it back.   
"Where is your base?" He asked, holding the water just out of Suga's reach.   
"He doesn't know either just leave him alone!" Daichi yelled, face hot with anger.   
"North," Suga said, meeting Alder's gaze bravely. "All I know is that it's North. They never told us much."  
Wilmar grunted and Alder nodded.   
  
He took the rest of the supplies they'd brought and dropped them in Daichi's lap. Without a word about when they'd be back or if they'd be released the two soldiers turned and left the room. Daichi could hear the scraping of keys turning the lock on the doorknob.   
  
Daichi opened one of the containers of water and held it out to Suga.   
"Here. Drink this."  
Suga obliged, filling his mouth and swallowing loudly before offering it to Daichi.   
"No drink more," Daichi insisted, pushing it back towards Suga.   
"That's all I can stomach right now. And besides we don't know when we'll get more," he said.   
Daichi took the container and took a small drink, feeling the cold liquid trickle down his burning throat.   
  
"The base isn't really in the North is it?" He asked.   
"I have no idea. But north could be anywhere so it's not like I gave them any real information."  
Daichi nodded.   
"That was genius."  
"Not really. I was just really desperate for that water," Suga said, smiling halfheartedly. He turned forward, staring at the window on the far wall.   
  
After a few minutes silence Daichi stood up and grabbed the first aid kit.   
"It's time to change your bandages," he said. Suga nodded.   
Daichi tried hard to distract himself with the task and ignore the strange distance growing in Suga's eyes.   
  
***  
  
Wilmar and Alder hadn't been back in seven days. They were out of water, out of food, out of clean bandages, and out of time.   
  
Suga's wound had closed up quite a bit but now the veins spreading out on his shoulder were black underneath his pale skin. Daichi wouldn't let Suga know how bad it was, not that he would listen if he did.   
  
Suga had grown more and more distant over the last week. At first he would space out, staring at the window and then apologizing when he realized Daichi had been talking to him but it got progressively worse until Daichi had to force him to eat and drink. When they'd make eye contact it was as if Suga was looking at him but he wasn't _seeing_ him. He was somewhere else. Somewhere far away.   
  
The fever from his infection was making him delirious, causing mild hallucinations. Sometimes he'd say things that didn't make any sense. He'd talk to Daichi as if he was addressing his mother, or the general of their troop. Daichi could've sworn that he had heard him mumble "catch a frog," at one point but he chose to ignore it. He had too much else to worry about.   
  
By the fifth day, when the water was running dangerously low, Daichi had started trying to find a way out. He'd slammed his fists against the wooden door and called out until his voice was ragged but it seemed that Alder and Wilmar had left. He tried finding tools to pry at the door with but the room was practically bare. He tried kicking the door down but he was far too weak.   
  
Now he was sitting, defeated, staring forward. He was too ashamed to look at Suga knowing that there was nothing he could do to help him. That he was too weak to save him.   
  
"Daichi." Suga's voice was so small but it felt closer than it had for days. Daichi didn't know what to say so he just turned toward Suga and said "hmm?"  
"I've always loved the sunrise," he said, gaze not leaving the tiny window.   
Daichi didn't have the heart to tell him that it was pitch dark outside.   
"Yeah. Me too," he answered, thinking briefly of the first kiss they had shared, covered in mud in the light of the sunrise, so many years ago.   
Suga smiled and it was still as warm as ever. Daichi would've cried if he could.   
  
"I think we're gonna make it out of here," Suga said, turning and looking Daichi in the eye for the first time in days.   
"Yeah. I think so too." Daichi could barely choke the word out.   
"I love you Suga," he added, feeling his heart shatter in his chest like broken glass, tearing his insides apart.    
But Suga was already gone again, leaning his head back against the wall and closing his eyes.  
  
***  
  
Suga didn't get to see the sunrise.   
Daichi had dozed off, dreaming of angels and nonsense.   
He woke to the sound of doors opening and boots pounding against wood above him. The soldiers were back.   
  
"Suga! Suga they're back!" He croaked, turning to gently nudge Suga awake. But Suga didn't move.   
"Suga!" Daichi yelled, voice breaking as he shook Suga's good shoulder roughly, more insistent. He had to wake up. Suga's head fell forward, limp.   
"No! Suga, oh god, Suga wake up they're back! We're going to be okay!" This wasn't happening. Not now. Not when they had been so close. He cupped Suga's face and lifted it, pressing their foreheads together and closing his eyes.  
"Suga please," he whispered, "please don't leave me. Not like this." The skin of his forehead that had been so hot before was now ice cold.   
"Come back to me," he said so faintly it was barely a sound. "I love you. Please come back."  
  
He could faintly hear the door to the basement unlock and the hinges creak, but he was already gone. His time in this life was gone like the sand at the top of an hourglass. He was already on his way to somewhere new. In his last seconds he wondered what fresh hell would be awaiting him in his next life. 


	5. Cheek to Cheek

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw: blood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't be her angel now  
> You know it's not my place to hold her down  
> And it's hard for me to take a stand  
> When I would take her anyway I can  
> She comes and goes and comes and goes  
> Like no one can  
> She comes and goes and no one knows  
> She's slipping through my hands  
> She's always buzzing just like  
> Neon, neon  
> Neon, neon  
> Who knows how long, how long, how long  
> She can go before she burns away
> 
> -John Mayer

The memory of the war was one Daichi usually avoided thinking about. It was too painful. The wounds still too fresh.   
He sat at the cafe table, clutching the fabric of his shirt over his heart, but he didn't cry. He never cried anymore. He wasn't sad. It was more like he was broken, pulled apart over and over, waiting for the right hands to come around and put him back together.   
  
The right hands were right in front of him, diligently writing names on cups with a felt tip marker, directly in his line of sight and yet so far away. Unreachable.   
Coffee is meant to wake you up, to make you more aware, so how could a boy surrounded by pounds and pounds of coffee be so asleep?  
  
***  
  
Sometimes Suga took his time finding Daichi, which was probably for his own good. He had waited a full twenty four years to show his face this time, in 1944, in the emergency room of a hospital.   
  
Daichi grew up in Beaverton, Oregon with tough parents and an even tougher childhood. There wasn't a very large population of Japanese in the United States in the 1930's and 40's but somehow Daichi's parents had made it there and built a life.   
  
He admired his parents for their hard work to bring him a good life, but they had no way of anticipating the economic crash awaiting them in America.   
It was tough growing up during the Great Depression, it was tough getting bullied in school for his ethnicity, it was tough having no one at home to teach him English. But Daichi had survived it all, thrived even. He'd made it through the Depression, he'd gone to medical school and graduated early with top marks, and now at twenty four he was a registered nurse at the hospital in his home town.   
  
Daichi was amazing at his job, buzzing from patient to patient, always making sure that everyone was taken care of. He never stopped.   
Until the day Suga came in.   
  
There was an emergency called in and an ambulance was sent out to the scene of a car accident. It had been raining heavily and the roads were slick causing a driver to lose control of his vehicle and spin out. The car rolled over three times before smashing into a telephone pole. The condition of the driver was unknown.   
  
Daichi was prepping an operating table when the ambulance returned. He had the metal tools laid out perfectly on their trays and the table disinfected and ready for use. He'd done this so many times it was like a routine. Routines calmed him, but when the gurney was pushed into the room carrying a bruised and broken silver haired man his heart stopped, and suddenly his calm mind was spinning.   
  
The man was covered in so many bruises he was almost completely purple and blue. There was an oxygen mask strapped to his face and one of his legs was sticking out at the wrong angle.   
  
Daichi couldn't breathe. His vision was swimming and he felt sick. He grabbed a nearby trash bin and emptied his stomach.   
"Sawamura! Sawamura we need your help!"   
The sound of his name brought him back to attention.   
He shook his head to clear it and stood up, unsteady at first but slowly regaining his balance.   
"We're going to lose him! We need you now!"  
That got his attention. Daichi snapped to focus. He wasn't going to lose this battle before it had a chance to start.   
  
With a clear head he and the other nurse on duty transferred the patient to the operating table and the surgeon started his work.   
Daichi was a flurry of movement. Fetching tools, monitoring vitals, suturing lacerations. He was doing everything in his power to make this surgery a success.   
  
After two hours of surgery the man's bones were set, his lacerations sutured, and he was going to be okay. It wasn't until he'd tied off the last stitch and removed his blood soaked rubber gloves that Daichi stopped and took a breath. He'd been made of stone just a few moments before but now his hands were shaking and he could feel sweat beading on his forehead. He hasn't anticipated this at all and he felt like he'd been blindsided by a train.   
  
The two nurses transferred the man to a clean bed and Daichi rolled him to a new room.   
He set up an IV and heart monitor before checking out the man's paperwork.   
Sugawara Koushi, twenty four years old, born June 13th.   
Big surprise.   
  
Daichi hung the clipboard on the wall and turned to leave, but Suga started to stir.   
He tried to roll over but let out a pained groan before slowly opening his eyes. He looked around the room confusedly before his eyes focused on Daichi.   
"Wh-where am I?" He asked. The anesthetic hadn't worn off completely and his words were slurred.   
"You're in the hospital Mr. Sugawara. You were in an accident," Daichi answered, trying to sound professional.   
Suga nodded, taking the information surprisingly well. He tried to lift his arm to examine his IV but grimaced in pain.   
"Try to take it easy and don't move too much. You have a lot of healing to do," Daichi explained.   
  
"Aren't I supposed to get a cute girl as my nurse who'll fall in love with me? That's what happens in movies," Suga mumbled, eyes growing heavy again. The pain medication in the IV must have been kicking in.   
Daichi tried to suppress his smile.   
"Sorry. You're stuck with me instead," he grinned, shrugging.   
"I guess you'll have to do," Suga replied, words barely understandable through his slightly parted lips.   
"At least you're cute," he added.   
  
Daichi felt heat rise to his face. He tried to cover his crimson cheeks but it was futile. Suga was already asleep again, softly snoring against his pillows, looking like an angel as always.   
Daichi couldn't help but feel hopeful about what the universe had in store for him this time around.   
  
***  
  
Suga was an extremely fast healer. Soon he was sitting up and feeding himself and though Daichi did miss silly mumbling Suga on pain medication, he was happy to see him up and smiling.   
With Daichi coming in his room multiple times a day and taking care of him quite extensively they became quick friends.   
  
Suga had two broken legs, multiple cracked ribs, and a sprained left shoulder. But despite all of that he was constantly smiling even though he was obviously in pain, and Daichi admired him for it. He was so strong.   
  
Daichi was making his first rounds of the day, stopping first in Suga's room. The room was dark and Daichi could hear the soft snoring coming from the bed in the center. He pulled back the curtains, revealing the bleak gray winter sky outside and filling the room with morning light.   
Suga threw and arm over his eyes and groaned.   
  
"Moooom, five more minutes," he yawned.   
"I'm not your mom. And you have to get up its shower time," Daichi stated, trying to sound cheerful.   
Suga rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and turned to Daichi.   
"Aren't I supposed to get a sponge bath from a cute nurse?" He asked, yawning again.   
"You would but you can use your arms perfectly fine so you get to sponge bathe yourself ladies man," Daichi teased.   
"No one said I'd ask for a lady," Suga winked, sitting up slowly and leaning against his pillows.   
  
Daichi's cheeks felt like they'd suddenly caught fire.   
"W-well either way you aren't going to get it," he stammered.   
"That's too bad," Suga said, a pained expression crossing his face as he shifted in the bed, but it was gone as soon as it came.   
  
Daichi busied himself with giving Suga his breakfast and checking his vitals to distract himself from the fluttering in his stomach.   
Afterwards he helped Suga into a wheelchair and rolled him to the small bathroom attached to his room.   
He helped Suga stand again so he could sit on the built in seat in the shower. By the time he was situated he was panting, a sheen of sweat covering his forehead and exposed collarbones.   
  
"Just hand me your gown through the door once you get it off. And knock when you're done so I can hand you your towel," Daichi explained, handing Suga soap and a washcloth from the cabinet outside of the door.   
"Oh! And make sure not to wet your casts," he added.   
He could hear Suga shifting and groaning before handing the thin hospital gown through the door after several minutes.   
  
Daichi leaned against the wheelchair outside of the door, listening as the shower tap turned on. The sound of running water was calming, and soon there was steam billowing from the crack beneath the door. The shower must feel amazing to Suga, not having the opportunity since his surgery.   
  
The tap shut off, squeaking as the knob turned, and there was a soft knock on the door.   
Daichi started to grab a towel from the cupboard but stopped when he heard a soft voice ask "Daichi?"  
"Yeah?" He asked.   
"I uh," he paused, "I need a little help."  
"With what?" Daichi asked, feeling his blush start to creep back up his face.   
"I can't reach my back," he confessed. Daichi could hear the embarrassment in his voice.   
"Oh okay, I'll uh, I'll be right there."  
Daichi grabbed another washcloth and opened the bathroom door, steam pouring out like a sauna.   
  
Suga had his head down, trying to hide the pink tinge on his cheeks, washcloth laid out over his lap. Daichi wasn't sure if he was relieved or disappointed.   
He wet his washcloth and began to gently scrub Suga's back. His skin was smooth and pale, covered in bruises like the rest of his body. The splotches of purple, red, and blue were almost beautiful. Like paint on a white canvas. He had a dark freckle under his right shoulder blade exactly like the one under his eye. Daichi was transfixed.   
He probably took longer than was needed but Suga seemed to enjoy it, leaning his head against the wall of the shower and sighing.   
  
"Uhh, I think that should do it," Daichi muttered.   
"Yeah. Th-thanks," Suga stammered. "I'll take that towel now."  
They chose to ignore each other's burning cheeks as Daichi backed out of the shower and handed a thick white towel through the doorway.   
  
When Suga finished drying off Daichi handed him a fresh gown. They slowly worked Suga back into the wheelchair and then back into his bed where he flopped his wet hair against the pillows and took a deep breath.   
"I never knew taking a shower could be so hard," he stated.   
"It'll only get easier from here on out. The first time is always the hardest," Daichi assured him, handing him a glass of water.   
"I hope so. I'm beat." He took a few swallows of water and handed it back.   
"You should get some rest. I'll be in later with your lunch."  
"Alright. Just don't bring me any of that tuna salad again," he shuddered, remembering his slimy meal from the day before.   
"You got it," Daichi promised, smiling at Suga before turning to leave the room. He closed the door behind him with a soft click and buried his face in his hands, smiling like a school girl.   
  
When he returned later that day with peanut butter and jelly he thought his heart would leap from his chest at the sight of Suga's shining smile.   
  
***  
  
Winter was Daichi's favorite month. The cold was brisk and invigorating. It made him feel alive.   
The bare trees always made him feel more at home than the thriving green ones in spring. He felt like he belonged in winter.   
And in winter, the sky was always the exact shade of Suga's hair.   
  
Two more weeks had passed and Suga could stand on his leg casts for short amounts of time. It left him breathless and huffing but he was extremely proud of himself and Daichi couldn't help but be proud too.   
  
They celebrated small victories together.   
The first time Suga got into the wheelchair himself.   
When he could finally lift his left arm over his head.   
When the largest of the bruises on his chest had started to fade.   
They were all baby steps but to Suga they were marathons and Daichi wanted to be along for the ride.   
  
His favorite small victory was the day Suga got his IV out. He no longer needed heavy painkillers and the weaker ones could be taken by mouth.   
  
"Let me know if it hurts," Daichi prompted, setting up his tray with gauze and bandages.   
"Come on, I'm a big boy. I think I can handle it," Suga responded.   
"Okay, but don't get squeamish on me," he winked.   
Suga rolled his eyes, but when Daichi started to pull the thick needle out of his forearm he quickly looked away, paling slightly.   
He placed the folded gauze over the wound and taped it up.   
"All done. You can look now."  
Suga lifted his arm for examination and sat it back down on the sheet next to him, letting out a small relieved sigh.    
"Thanks Daichi," he smiled.   
"No problem! That _is_ what they pay me for," he joked, turning in his chair to stand.   
  
Suga's hand shot out, encircling Daichi's wrist in his delicate fingers. He turned and met Suga's wide eyes, underlined by pink cheeks.   
"Everything okay?" He asked, but Suga tugged him forward, cutting off his speech by pressing their lips together.   
  
It caught Daichi off guard and he had to try hard not to lean against Suga's cracked ribs.   
This kiss was so much different from the last one they had shared. Cracked dry lips were now soft and pillowy, and he tasted of the orange juice he'd had for breakfast instead of salt and dirt. It lasted for what felt like hours and mere seconds at the same time.   
Suga's hand had traveled from Daichi's wrist to his back, running up and down his shoulder blades with his fingertips.   
He propped himself up with one arm and cupped Suga's face with the other, fingers lingering in his silky hair.   
Daichi let Suga lead, deepening the kiss only when he was prompted, soaking in every second of sensory bliss.   
  
It ended too soon. Suga leaned forward as far as his cracked ribs would let him and whispered in Daichi's ear.   
"Stay with me," he muttered, breath tickling at Daichi's earlobe.   
"Forever," he whispered back.   
And he meant it. That word carried so much more meaning than Suga could ever comprehend.   
  
***  
  
That night when Daichi's shift ended and he was supposed to go home, he didn't. Instead he changed his clothes and grabbed some extra ones he had in his locker before making his way to Suga's room.   
  
Suga's face lit up when he walked in.   
"You came back," he smiled.   
"Of course. I promised I'd stay with you didn't I?"   
Suga nodded and patted the empty spot on the bed next to him motioning for Daichi to sit.   
He settled gently onto the bed trying not to jostle Suga's injuries. He didn't want to make it awkward by getting too close but Suga leaned back and nestled into his chest, removing all apprehension.   
  
They sat quietly for a while just soaking in each other's warmth. These were always Daichi's favorite moments with Suga, when they were just together in the simplest sense of the word. When he could feel him existing and breathe in his presence. Those were the moments when Suga felt real and not like some beautiful apparition.   
  
He leaned down and pressed a kiss to Suga's feathery hair.   
"Daichi?" The soft voice broke through the silence, decorating the air like the sound of bells.   
"Hmmm?" He hummed, not wanting his own voice to interrupt the melody.   
"Could I ask you for a favor?" Suga asked, placing one hand on Daichi's thigh and squeezing gently.   
"Anything," he replied. Of course he would do anything Suga could ever ask of him.   
"Take me outside."  
  
His request caught Daichi off guard and he started to protest. He wanted to say that it was freezing outside and that Suga wasn't well enough yet but he had already promised he'd do whatever was asked of him.   
"You're going to need some warmer clothes," he answered.   
Suga turned around to look at him, eyes wide with shock, obviously expecting to have been turned down.   
"Really?"   
"I never go back on my word," Daichi winked.   
Suga pulled his face down and kissed him hard. Daichi could feel the excitement on his lips.   
  
When they broke the kiss Daichi stood up and grabbed the clothes he had brought with him.   
"Here you can wear these," he said, lifting up the wool sweater and jeans.   
Daichi helped Suga stand and untie his thin hospital gown, letting it fall to the floor and leaving him just in his underwear. He would've been embarrassed but he was distracted by the large purple bruise spanning Suga's left ribcage. He reached out and ran his fingers over it gingerly, barely touching the skin.   
"That's the only one that hasn't faded," Suga said, shuddering under Daichi's touch.   
"It must be because your ribs still haven't healed on this side," he murmured, pulling the sweater over Suga's head and helping push his arms into the sleeves. It was a bit too big and hung loosely around his chest, falling a few inches past his waist.   
Suga sat on the edge of the bed and Daichi coaxed the jeans over his bulging casts.   
  
When he was dressed and ready Suga hobbled into his wheelchair, smiling excitedly.   
"Let's go!" He insisted, practically bouncing in his seat. Daichi grabbed the blanket from the bed and laid it across Suga's lap.   
"There. Now we can go."  
  
They snuck through the hospital corridors trying to be as quiet as they could. They had to dodge one of the overnight nurses by ducking into a stairwell and Daichi had to actually press his hand against Suga's mouth to quiet his giggles.   
By the time they made it to the entryway Daichi had long since given up trying to keep Suga quiet.   
  
He backed the wheelchair through the heavy front doors and when he turned Suga around he gasped, face filled with wonder as he breathed in the brisk winter air.   
"Wow, it's beautiful," he whispered, bright eyes shining.   
"You act like you've never been outside before," Daichi chuckled, drinking in Suga's excitement.   
"It's been a while," he muttered, still staring at the sky. He was transfixed with the stars just as much as Daichi was transfixed with him.   
  
Suga was so beautiful. His skin was almost white in the moonlight, stark against the maroon of his sweater. The brown of his eyes was so warm Daichi could practically feel it against his skin.   
"I've always loved how you look in the moonlight."  
The words spilled out of him before he could stop them.   
Suga looked at him, confused. Daichi could see his lips start to form a question but he was cut off by a snowflake falling perfectly onto his nose.   
Just like that Daichi's blunder was forgotten and Suga's excitement had returned.   
"Daichi it's snowing!" He exclaimed, sticking his tongue out to catch the falling flakes like a kid. His laughter was infectious and soon they were both giggling and catching snowflakes on their tongues like two oversized toddlers.   
  
Snowflakes peppered the ground in patches of pure white like powdered sugar sifted onto a cake.   
"It's beautiful isn't it?" Daichi asked, watching the flakes land in Suga's hair.   
"Dance with me," Suga blurted.   
"Wh-what?"  
"Dance with me." It was firmer this time.   
"Suga your legs," Daichi started, but he knew that determined look on Suga's face too well. There was no way he'd allow him to say no.   
"Alright."  
  
He helped Suga stand, his hands placed firmly around his waist to help support him. Suga wrapped both arms around Daichi's shoulders and pressed his head into the crook of his neck.   
They swayed slowly, keeping Suga from moving his legs as much as possible, snowflakes sprinkling down around them. It was freezing but they were in their own bubble of warmth.   
  
After a few minutes Suga lifted his head and took one of Daichi's hands so they were standing ballroom style. He pressed their cheeks together and Daichi could feel his breath on his ear.   
  
"Heaven, I'm in heaven," Suga sang softly, not much more than a whisper, "and my heart beats so that I can hardly speak."  
"And I seem to find the happiness I seek," Daichi joined in, their voices mingling together in the icy air, "when we're out together dancing cheek to cheek."  
  
When Daichi could tell that Suga couldn't stand up any longer he helped him back into the wheelchair and they made their way back up to his room.   
They were both silent the whole trip back, and remained that way as Daichi helped Suga out of his damp clothes and into a new gown. No one spoke until Suga was back in the bed, blankets pulled up to his chin.   
"Spend the night," he said, breaking the silence, and Daichi nodded. He took off his coat and pants, leaving him in just his shirt and thick cotton boxers before crawling under the covers next to Suga.   
  
Suga curled into him, chest to chest with the top of his head just under Daichi's chin. Careful of Suga's casts Daichi settled in as best he could, savoring every second.   
Suga's breathing evened out after a few moments and Daichi was sure he was asleep, allowing himself to relax knowing that Suga was comfortable.   
"I love you," he whispered, pressing his lips to Suga's hair.   
"I love you too," he answered, so soft it was almost silent, snuggling closer into Daichi's chest.   
  
Daichi had said those words countless times but he could count on one hand the times he had heard them said back to him.   
He slept easy that night, wrapped up in Suga's warmth and dreaming of happy endings.   
  
***  
  
Winter deepened in the following week, blanketing everything in heavy snow, Suga continued to heal, and Daichi found himself spending an incredible number of hours at the hospital. He returned home only to feed his cat, water his plants, and collect more clean clothes.   
  
He was sure the other nurses had started to notice the piles of laundry in his locker but none of them had said anything about it. At least they didn't know that his toothbrush sat next to the sink in Suga's room or that the reason his towel cupboard needed restocking so often was because two men were using the shower instead of one, sometimes together.   
  
Suga's room was like their own private oasis, at least as private as it could be in a hospital. Daichi did his best to make sure that all of the duties that required entering Suga's room were solely his.   
  
He was there now, watching as Suga picked at his oatmeal and frowned.   
"I thought you liked oatmeal? It's apple cinnamon," Daichi prodded.   
"Oh no I like it, I'm just not very hungry," he coughed into his hand and grimaced. "I think I'm getting sick."  
"Well this _is_ a hospital. It’s not exactly known for being the safest place from germs," he replied, standing and placing a hand gently on Suga's forehead to feel for a fever.   
"You're not warm, but your forehead is clammy. Are you cold?" He asked, grabbing a stethoscope from the drawer next to the bed.   
"Freezing," Suga answered, pulling on his gown so that Daichi could reach his chest, exposing his clavicle.   
  
Daichi stopped. Suga's left collarbone was covered by a splotchy patch of purple.   
"Suga lay down and untie your gown," he prompted, trying to keep panic out of his voice. Suga obeyed, laying down and letting Daichi pull the gown down to expose his chest.   
Just as he had expected the bruise on Suga's left ribcage had spread, now covering his left pectoral and spreading to his clavicle.   
  
Suga started to pant, his breathing short and sharp.   
"It's kind of hard to breathe lying down," he choked out, starting to heave.   
"I'm sorry!" Daichi exclaimed, still trying to remain calm as he helped Suga sit back up. He was coughing now, covering his mouth and trying to muffle the wet sounds coming from his throat.   
  
"Drink this," Daichi demanded, handing Suga a glass of water. "I'm going to go get the doctor I'll be right back."   
Suga reached out to grab the water but stopped, paling as he looked at the palm of his hand. It was wet, covered with foamy spit tinged with pink.   
"Is...is that _blood_?" He stuttered, eyes wide with fear.   
  
Daichi's heart almost stopped beating. He dropped the water, glass shattering as it hit the tiles, and practically ran to the doorway.   
"Doctor!" He screamed down the hallway. "I need a doctor in here now!"  
He could hear Suga starting to hack and cough again, choking on the fluid coming from his throat.   
  
The doctor ran in after what felt like an eternity, followed closely by a few nurses.   
He took one look at the bruise covering Suga's chest and the pink froth dribbling from the corner of his mouth and called for a gurney.   
When it arrived the nurses strapped Suga down and pushed the gurney towards the surgical ward, Daichi following closely behind and trying to pull himself together.   
  
He was panicking. Suga had been fine just a few minutes ago and now he was being prepped for emergency surgery.   
He could hear the doctor's voice in the distance, fading in and out.   
"Internal bleeding....blocking oxygen to the heart.....failing."  
Daichi had noticed that bruise over a week ago. He had known it was there and yet he didn't catch what it so obviously was. What kind of nurse was he?   
  
He could hear a sharp beeping sound cut into his thoughts. They had connected Suga to a heart monitor and his reading was erratic. The beats were all over the place, like his heart was a fish flopping on a dock, struggling to catch its breath.   
  
"Sawamura! Get over here now!" The doctor's voice was calling to him, but he couldn't move. He was frozen in place, detached from the moment.   
  
"Daichi," Suga croaked, barely audible in the flurry of movements in the room. That snapped him to attention and he rushed over to Suga's side.   
He had a mask over his mouth, delivering anesthetic, and Daichi couldn't make out the words he was trying to say. He clasped Suga's ice cold hand in his, and leaned their foreheads together.   
"I'm so sorry."  
Suga's eyelids were fluttering, he was struggling to hold them open but the anesthetic was working against him.   
"Stay...with me," he slurred, squeezing Daichi's hand.   
"Forever," Daichi whispered, the same as he had the night they'd danced in the snow.   
His mouth curved into a faint smile and his heavy lids closed.   
  
Warm tears that Daichi hadn't noticed were collecting in the corner of his eyes slipped down his face. He wiped them away roughly and turned to the doctor.   
Suga's chest was open and two nurses were working to siphon out the built up blood and fluid from around his heart.   
Usually Daichi was hyper focused during surgeries but all he could do was stare, shocked. The nurses had long since given up on trying to get his attention.   
  
_Beep beep beep beep  
_  
The doctor was trying to find the source of the blood so he could stop it but the pooling fluid was blocking his view.   
  
_Beep beep beep beep_  
  
The nurses couldn't siphon it away quick enough. It was everywhere.   
  
_Beep beep beep  
_  
Suga was losing his color. His fingertips were growing colder.  
  
_Beep beep beep_    
  
This was all Daichi's fault. He had been too absorbed with loving Suga that he had neglected his health. He could've stopped this weeks ago.   
  
_Beep beep_    
  
More nurses were rushing in.   
Everyone was trying so hard to save Suga. They had no idea they were working against fate.   
  
_Beep beep_  
  
Suga started convulsing, coughing and sputtering underneath his mask. Daichi pulled it off of him, wiping pink drool from his mouth.   
  
_Beep_  
  
Daichi had no idea why he'd expected things to end up differently. He'd been through this so many times and yet it still hit him just as hard every time Suga started to leave him. Because he was still foolish enough to hope.   
  
_Beep_  
  
Daichi pressed a kiss to Suga's temple and he stopped heaving, laying flat on the table.   
His was face was so calm, like a sleeping angel, beautiful on the outside but bruised and broken underneath.   
  
....  
  
The heart monitor flat lined, the room falling silent except for its harsh electronic blaring, louder than it should have been.   
  
Daichi could feel himself fading out of existence, his life starting to reset. It was a familiar sensation by now.    
"Forever". He had promised Suga that he'd stay with him forever and he had no intention of breaking his word.   
He had no idea just how long forever was. 


	6. Peace and Music

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day breaking on the boulevard  
> Feel the sun warming up your second hand heart  
> Light swimming right across your face  
> And you think maybe someday, yeah  
> Maybe someday
> 
> \- Matchbox 20

It was getting late and Daichi still hadn't moved from his seat in the cafe. Customers had come and gone, moving around him as if he were a statue, frozen in time. The small orange haired employee had come to refill his coffee countless times, never really saying a word.   
  
Suga's shift must be ending soon but he was showing no sign of leaving. Even when the sun started to set, lighting the table tops ablaze with golden light, he continued working. Daichi felt like they were at a hypothetical stalemate, neither party moving forward, but that was ridiculous. He was the only one playing this game.    
  
***  
  
When you've lived a thousand lives you end up taking part in a lot of important history, but sometimes you don't know how big of an impact something has made until years later. August of 1969 was something people would remember, even recreate, for decades to follow and Daichi went into it completely blind.   
  
When he was born, in 1950, Daichi's perfect suburban parents never expected that their only son would grow up to be "hippy trash" but that's exactly what happened.   
Daichi grew up in Bethel, New York and when he was nineteen he took a part time job as a pizza delivery boy so he could save up and buy a ticket to the Woodstock Art and Music Fair.   
  
It took him months but when he finally saved up $18 he drove all the way to Manhattan to order his ticket from the Radio City Station Post Office. And when August 14th rolled around he was finally on his way.   
  
He had some random clothes he'd thrown into the backseat of his crappy station wagon, a bic lighter, his ticket tucked into his jeans pocket, and about $8 in cash.   
He was ready.   
  
The traffic on the way to White Lake was so thick he was worried he wouldn't make it to the grounds by nightfall. He was stuck behind a huge green Volkswagen bus that was blocking his view of the rest of the traffic in front of him.   
  
Around fifteen minutes later the cars on either side of him started to creep forward but the bus stayed put. Daichi waited patiently for a few moments before he noticed the cloud of smoke coming out of the side window, someone was starting the party a little too early. Daichi honked, getting the drivers attention, and waited for him to move forward.   
  
They moved about 50 feet before stopping again.   
The driver side door of the bus opened and a man stepped out. The sun was behind him so all Daichi could see was a black silhouette approaching his car.   
The man leaned his forearms on the car door and stretched his body out behind him, sticking his face into the window frame.   
  
"Hey man, sorry about that. I got a little distracted you know?" He chuckled.   
"Oh no problem. We didn't really move much anyway," Daichi answered, turning towards the man.   
His breath caught and he almost choked on his words. He should expect this by now but it still caught him off guard every time.   
  
"Isn't that the truth. I'm starting to wonder if we're even gonna make it in time. I'm Suga by the way," he said, extending his hand through the window. Suga had grown his hair out, the shaggy silver locks stopping just above his shoulders.   
"Daichi," he returned, eyes lingering on Suga just a bit too long. "Nice to meet you."  
  
The traffic started to move again.   
"See you at the stage man," Suga waved, lightly jogging back to his bus and clambering back into the driver’s seat.   
This time the traffic kept up a steady pace and within an hour cars started parking on the land of Max Yasgur's dairy farm.   
  
Some attendees were taking down the protest signs left by the residents of Bethel and replacing "Buy No Milk. Stop Max's Hippy Music Festival" with anti-war messages and carrying them back to their cars. The smell of spray paint was thick in the air but everything about this place felt so refreshing, like the start of something new.   
  
It was around sundown when Daichi gave his ticket at the gate and finally parked his station wagon between a few tents. He got out and stretched, breathing in the summer breeze and the sound of hundreds of thousands of voices mingling together. Despite the massive amount of people everything was calm. Everyone was just hanging out, forming groups and just plain enjoying their lives.   
  
Daichi started walking through the crowds, one face etched in his mind. The sun had gone down before he found him.   
Suga was sitting in a circle of people surrounding a campfire and playing guitar. Everyone was laughing and talking, singing to Suga's music.   
His eyes lit up when he caught sight of Daichi and he stopped playing to wave him over.   
  
"Hey Daichi!" He called. "What's up man come sit down."  
Daichi walked over and plopped down on the grass between Suga and an extremely pregnant girl who smiled at him warmly.   
"Keep playing Suga, I think my baby likes it," she laughed, rubbing a hand across her swollen middle.   
Suga nodded and started to pick at the guitar strings.   
  
"Oh!" The girl exclaimed, grabbing Daichi's hand and placing it on her stomach. "Feel that? He's kicking!"  
Daichi was startled for a moment but then he felt a tiny kick against his palm and he couldn't help but smile.   
"That's amazing," he whispered, awed.   
"Suga come feel this," she called, waving him over. Suga placed his hand next to Daichi's and waited. Another tiny kick came and he laughed.   
"Rock on little dude," he said, taking his hand away and picking the guitar back up.   
The girl turned to talk to a few people sitting on her other side.   
  
"So where are you from Daichi?" Suga asked, absentmindedly strumming his guitar.   
"Not too far from here actually. I grew up in Bethel," he answered. "What about you?"  
"I came all the way from Ohio. Shirley and I have been driving for days," he answered.   
"The pregnant girl?" Daichi asked.   
Suga burst out laughing, clapping Daichi on the shoulder.   
"No, no, I don't even really know that girl. I meant my bus! I call her Shirley," he chuckled.   
"Well she's beautiful," Daichi smiled; slightly relieved that Suga and the other girl weren't as close as he thought.   
"You should tell her sometime," he winked, reaching behind him to a cooler and handing Daichi a can of beer.   
  
They talked for hours, about nothing, about _everything_. The campfire had burnt down to embers but the group was still laughing and having a good time. More than a few joints had been passed around and Daichi might have had a few too many beers, his head fuzzy and humming with Suga's presence. They slowly inches closer throughout the night until their thighs were touching and their hands wandering.   
  
The sun had started to creep over the hills on the horizon when most of the group started to drift off to sleep.   
Daichi remembered very little from that night. All he knew was that when he woke up the next afternoon he was laying in the grass with Suga's shoulder as his pillow and the taste of smoke and honey on his lips.   
  
***  
  
The concerts on the first day started at 5pm and lasted until 2am. Suga and Daichi were practically glued together through the entire thing, laughing, singing, dancing, holding their lighters in the air during slower songs. It was everything Daichi had hoped this trip would be and more.   
  
It had started raining during Ravi Shanker's set but he played through it and it seemed to breathe new life into the crowd. Everyone was soaking wet but they were all so happy and carefree, enjoying the music.   
  
When the rain stopped Daichi trekked through the crowd back to his car for a change of clothes with Suga following close behind him.   
The crowd was thick and hard to navigate and somewhere along the way Daichi felt Suga grab his hand and thread their fingers together. He figured it was so they wouldn't get separated but when they reached his car Suga didn't let go.   
  
Suga looked up at him through his lashes, tiny droplets of water stuck to them like glitter. The music in the background had slowed and thousands of lighters were being held up, peppering the night sky like gently swaying fireflies.   
Daichi reached out and wiped the dripping silver hair out of Suga's eyes which met his with a mix of hesitation and expectation.   
  
Daichi cupped his cheek and pulled their mouths together, kissing him roughly, letting his desperation get the best of him. He pressed Suga's back to the side of the station wagon and placed one hand on the hood to steady himself. It was like a wall had come down and he was letting all of the love and passion that had built up inside of him pour out, communicating it to Suga through his touch. He peppered a thousand kisses down Suga's jawbone and along his neck, one for every moment they'd spent apart and for every minute Daichi had loved him.   
The taste of honey was back on his lips, coating his tongue.   
  
Suga pulled away, breathing hard and leaning his head back against the cold metal of the car.   
"Clothes," he panted.   
"Oh, right!"   
Daichi quickly pulled his hand back and opened the backdoor of the car. He grabbed a shirt and some dry jeans, changing quickly and putting the wet clothes in the floorboard. He grabbed an extra set and tossed them at Suga.   
  
"Here put these on. You're soaked."  
He obliged, throwing his wet clothes in the floorboard with Daichi's.   
"Thanks," he smiled, buttoning the shirt up over his pale chest. "We should probably head back," he added.  
  
They walked through the crowd slower this time, fingers wrapped together again, but they were stopped midway by the pregnant girl from the night before.   
"Oh hey guys I'm really glad I ran I to you," she panted. She looked scared, eyes wide and short hair plastered to her forehead.   
"Are you okay?" Suga asked, letting go of Daichi's hand and grabbing the girl's arm to help her stand.    
"Uh, well, I think I'm having my baby," she answered.   
  
Trying not to panic, Daichi and Suga helped her walk until they got back to Daichi's station wagon. Daichi balled up the rest of his clothes as a makeshift pillow and helped her lay down across the backseat.   
A crowd of people had gathered, all of them trying to help the situation but no one actually knowing what to do. A few guys left to get an ambulance called but that would probably take hours to arrive. This baby was going to be born in Daichi's car.   
  
Thankfully some guy stepped forward claiming that he'd seen his dog have puppies once and this couldn't be much different. His qualifications weren't exactly sound but Suga and Daichi weren't in any place to argue with him.   
  
Two hours and a lot of screaming later the ambulance was on its way and both mother and baby were healthy and happy. The crowd had thinned out after the baby was born and now Suga and Daichi were sitting with the exhausted looking no longer pregnant girl.   
  
"So what's his name?" Daichi asked, gently touching the foot that had kicked him the night before.   
"I don't know yet. I want it to be something good though," she answered.   
"We already know he's gonna be a rock star so it has to be something really cool," Suga added.   
"That's not a bad idea. Hey Suga what's the make of your guitar?" Daichi asked.   
"It’s a Sunburst Les Paul."  
"Sunburst," the girl said, thinking. "I like that. We can call him Sunny for short."  
The two boys nodded in agreement. It was perfect.   
  
Somewhere around 4am the ambulance arrived and mother and son were taken away, leaving an exhausted Suga and Daichi to make their way back to Shirley. They collapsed onto the pile of pillows and shag carpeting in the back of the bus and fell asleep almost instantly, curled into each other, legs tangled and hearts beating together.   
  
***  
  
Fillipini pond sat behind the stage and between sets it was a popular spot for skinny dipping.   
Suga had dragged Daichi down the sloping grass but instead of jumping in they just sat on the edge among the crowd.   
"You don't want to get in?" Daichi asked, watching the swimmers splashing around and laughing.   
"No I just like this spot. I love being by water but I don't really like to swim," he answered, a distant look in his eyes that Daichi wouldn't have noticed if he didn't know him so well. "I don't know why but I've always been scared of going under water. Its lame, I know".   
Daichi felt cold in the pit of his stomach. He knew exactly why Suga was afraid.   
"It’s not lame," he said flatly.   
  
They sat silently for a moment, Daichi trying to push away the memories bubbling up inside of him.   
It wasn't fair that he knew Suga so well and every time they met he was just picking up where he left off while Suga had to start all over. He had to learn the same things about Daichi over and over while Daichi's knowledge only grew deeper. But despite all of that Suga still fell in love with him. Daichi wondered which of their loves were more pure.   
  
Suga picked up his guitar and started to play, the music pulling Daichi out of his reverie and back to the boy in front of him.   
They sat like that for a while, a crowd forming around Suga, listening to his songs. A tall man with long hair pulled into a bun stopped to talk to them and at first Daichi thought he was selling weed but instead he gave them both crowns he'd woven out of daisies before continuing on his way.   
  
Daichi would never get used to this place and the way that random beautiful things were constantly happening around him. Last night a woman gave birth in his car and now a man he'd never seen before had placed a crown of flowers on his head. It was as if every person there existed separately from reality and just mingled together in their own piece of the world.   
  
The sun had started to sink below the slope of the land around them and Suga had never looked more beautiful than he did in that moment. His silver hair was tipped with golden light from the sunset, flower crown sitting lopsided on the top of his head. His fingers were moving lithely across the strings of his guitar and he was smiling, wide and genuine. He was the epitome of happiness and peace. He was gorgeous.   
  
He must have noticed Daichi staring because his expression changed, turning from boyish innocence to something almost sly. He leaned forward, lips brushing Daichi's earlobe and sending shudders down his spine.   
"Wanna get out of here?" He whispered, the lilt in his voice making Daichi's heart flutter.   
"Y-yeah," he stammered, heat rising to his cheeks.   
  
After a few protests from Suga's audience the two stood to leave, winding their way through the crowd and back to Shirley. Daichi could feel anticipation building in his chest as they got closer, both of them speeding up subconsciously, wanting to get there as fast as they could.   
  
The second the back doors of the van were pulled open Daichi was being pushed back against the tacky blue shag carpeting, Suga kissing him furiously wherever he could reach. He faintly heard the doors slam closed behind them but he was too preoccupied to care.   
  
His hands were everywhere, pulling at clothes, running over smooth skin, tangling with soft hair. He lifted Suga, easily flipping him onto his back.   
There were single freckles all over his body and Daichi kissed them all. The one under his eye, the one on his shoulder blade, in the crook of his arm, on his hip bone, the inside of his thigh. Daichi wanted it all, every inch of the milky white skin beneath him.   
  
Suga pulled him closer, trailing kisses down Daichi's chest and gasping into his skin, fingers digging into his back as the pressure built. They moved together as one, love and passion flowing between them.   
  
Suga threw his head back in climax, panting and covered in a sheen of sweat.   
Daichi pressed another kiss to the base of his throat, running his hands down over the curve of Suga's hips, meeting his eyes through thick silver lashes. He leaned their foreheads together and closed his eyes, breathing hard from his own release.   
  
Suga pulled him down onto the pillows beside him, laying his head on Daichi's chest and wrapping their fingers together. The air around them was warm, heavy with the scent of sweat, sex, and the flowers they'd tossed onto the pile of their clothes.   
  
The sunroof was open above them and they lay together just watching the stars.   
"Suga?" Daichi breathed tentatively, breaking the silence.   
"Hmm?" He hummed, the vibrations tickling against Daichi's bare chest.   
"If you could wish for one thing in life, anything at all, what would it be?"  
Suga was silent for a long time and Daichi would have thought he'd fallen asleep if it weren't for his thumb running soothing circles on the back of his hand.   
"To be remembered." His voice was soft and tired.   
"What?"  
"I want to be remembered. I don't want my memory to die with my body. Even of its just one person, I want someone to remember me long after I'm gone."  
  
Neither of them spoke again. Eventually Suga's thumb stopped moving, signaling that he'd finally fallen asleep.   
Daichi let Suga's words wash over him. If only he knew that his only wish had already come true, that the boy lying underneath him was the embodiment of that desire.   
There were times when Daichi had wished he'd never remembered a thing, that he'd remained oblivious to his own destiny and spared himself the pain but now he was grateful. He would suffer a thousand more years if it meant that Suga would get his wish. He would never allow himself to forget.   
  
***  
  
Daichi was kissed awake the next morning, early light filtering in through the sunroof. He couldn't recall a time he'd ever felt this blissful. Frozen in time and surrounded by nothing but joy and love.   
  
It was August 17th, the last day of Woodstock, and Daichi wanted to make it count.   
The first concert didn't start until 2pm so they just talked, both of them trying to drink in as much of the other's presence before the end of the day.   
  
Daichi talked about home. His family, his job, his love for quiet rural New York. Suga talked about his music and his dreams to make it big as a guitarist. He told Daichi about his inspirations and even played him a song he'd been writing himself.   
  
They talked about how much they loved each other.   
They kissed, they made love, and eventually they climbed out of the van and made their way down to the stage.   
  
After the first set of the day there was a massive thunderstorm and in the confusion of panicking audience members trying to make their way back to their camps Suga and Daichi were separated.   
Daichi somehow ended up with a group of people he'd never met taking shelter in the backseat of some guys' Ford Anglia. They were all very nice but all he wanted was to get out and find Suga.   
  
The rain and lightning continued for three hours, but it felt like an eternity. The moment the rain stopped Daichi was out of the car searching for Suga.   
The next set was starting up after the disruption and Daichi was fighting against the flow of foot traffic heading back to the stage. It was over an hour before he finally reached the place where Shirley had been parked, but she was gone. All that was there was an empty rectangle of green grass. Daichi could feel panic rising inside of him, bubbling up into his chest and throat, threatening to choke him.    
  
He knocked loudly on the door of the pickup parked next to him, frightening the tiny blonde girl sitting inside. He and Suga had talked to her briefly at the campfire the night they'd arrived.   
She rolled the window down and stuck her head out.   
"Sorry I didn't mean to scare you," Daichi apologized, "but I was wondering if you knew where the boy with the van went?"  
"Yeah," she answered, looking at him with what could only be described as pity. "When the storm started and I was on my way back here I saw him talking to an old guy in a suit and a little bit later he came by to get his car. I asked him why he was leaving and he said the guy was a record producer and he'd heard him playing yesterday by the pond. I guess he wanted him to come to his studio and audition for a record deal."  
  
"Oh," Daichi whispered, trying to process everything. Suga was gone and their time was up, ending much more abruptly than he had expected. All at once everything was ripped away from him again, but this time it was bittersweet. Suga was going to fulfill his dreams. Out of all of the ways he had lost him in the pass Daichi had to admit this was for the best.   
  
"He left this for you," the blonde girl said, handing Daichi a folded piece of paper with a daisy tucked inside.   
He took it without saying a word.   
"He was really upset," she added, obviously trying to make him feel better. "He said to give that to the boy who came looking for him and to tell him he was sorry."  
"Thank you," Daichi choked, fighting back the tears he could feel welling in his eyes, threatening to spill over.   
  
He turned away and plopped down in the wet grass where Shirley had been parked, unfolding the note Suga had left him. He had written only three words.  
  
Don't forget me.  
  
He couldn't hold back the tears any longer and they spilled silently down his face, but despite that he smiled.   
"How could I ever forget you?" He whispered to himself.   
  
Daichi could feel himself fading but he wasn't quite ready to leave this place. Though he had only spent three days here he felt an attachment to the land. He stayed there in the grass for hours, somewhere in-between planes of existence, just soaking in the music around him and reliving every moment he'd spent there with Suga.    
  
By the time the last set was being played it was midmorning and only a fraction of the original crowd was left. Finally ready, Daichi let the music carry him away into his next life, promising himself that one day he would make sure Suga knew that he would never be forgotten. 


	7. Silver Lining

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! He last chapter!  
> I'm posting this a day early since I won't be home to do it tomorrow.  
> Thank you so much to everyone who has read, commented, or left kudos they mean so much!! A writer is nothing without their readers.  
> So anyways, please enjoy!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And you can tell everybody this is your song  
> It may be quite simple but now that it's done  
> I hope you don't mind  
> I hope you don't mind  
> That I put down in words  
> How wonderful life is while you're in the world
> 
> -Elton John

How many times does it take having to perform the exact same action before it becomes easy? Daichi had met Suga for the first time dozens of times before, but for some reason he couldn't get up the courage to walk up to him in this cafe. It felt different this time. The air felt heavier, like there were even more consequences this time around. He felt sick, like one wrong move could mean the end of everything. The rules had somehow changed.   
  
***  
  
Daichi had never looked for Suga, always letting fate bring them together on its own, but this time he did. He found himself searching subconsciously everywhere he went, paying extremely close attention to his surroundings and the people he encountered. Any person passing him on the street could be Suga and he couldn't wait for the day that it was.   
  
When Daichi graduated high school in 1990 he chose to move to New York City for college, the most populated city in the US, majoring in illustration. He knew every face in every one of his classes but none of them were Suga's. He went out every weekend, hoping to find him, and every night he wondered if he'd ruined everything by trying to control fate.   
  
Winter came and gone, his birthday passed along with the New Year, and he was desperate.   
His grades were starting to slip. The professors were fed up with the lack of variations in his art, almost every piece included the moon or flowers or a certain silver haired individual. They wanted more from him but his mind was hardwired to Suga and nothing else mattered.   
  
Daichi's portfolio was due by the end of the week so one night he decided to stay in and finish it instead of meandering around the city like he usually did. He attempted to work for a few hours but the quiet loneliness of his cramped dorm room was deafening. Gathering his pencils and sketchpad he wandered out into the crisp night, searching campus for a place to work.   
  
He chose the concert hall. There was always someone practicing inside and the echoing music was just enough to take the lonely edge off of the wide empty space. Daichi slipped in, taking a seat far in the back without disturbing the musician.   
  
They continued to play as Daichi took out his pencils and began his work, the slow violin music calming his nerves. He hadn't felt so at ease in months. The soft notes unfolded around him like a warm embrace, drawing him away from the hall and into his thoughts.   
  
His mind wandered to the only place it ever went; his memories of Suga. It felt like his lives, only including the time he spent with Suga, had been growing shorter and shorter, like his time was running out and soon he wouldn't have a chance at all. He was fighting against time, against the world, against himself. It was a battle he couldn't win, but one he would never give up on. He would never give up on Suga.   
  
The music changed, the slow steady notes picking up and morphing into something quicker and lighter. It was warm, bright and familiar. Daichi looked down at his paper, covered in doodles of daisy chains and thin fingers plucking at guitar strings, and his heart skipped a beat. He knew this song. The notes were the same as he'd heard while sitting on blue shag carpeting, surrounded by love and music. This was Suga's song.   
  
Daichi stood up suddenly, his pencils and sketchpad clattering to the floor, echoing through the empty hall. The music stopped and the boy onstage looked up, startled, familiar chocolate brown eyes meeting dark umber. It was silent as both boys stared, neither moving, unsure of what to do.   
  
Daichi's mind was racing, heart pounding. Suga had never shown any sign of remembering before. There had been coincidences but never anything like this. He remembered. Daichi could _feel_ it. This was what he had been waiting for for so long.   
  
Daichi practically vaulted over the rows of seats separating him and the stage, stopping before the very frightened looking boy holding the violin.   
"Suga!" He exclaimed, physically holding himself back from running his fingers through that silky silver hair.   
"Excuse me?" He asked tentatively, eyes narrowing.   
  
"It's me! It's Daichi!" His chest was starting to constrict, this wasn't right.   
"I'm sorry I don't think we've met," Suga said politely, picking up his instrument and turning toward the exit.   
Daichi's hand shot out and grabbed his wrist.   
"Please don't go. Tell me you remember me," he whispered. This couldn't be happening. He remembered. He _had_ to remember. There was no way that song was a coincidence.  
  
Suga pulled his wrist from Daichi's grasp.   
"I'm really sorry but no I don't. I have to get back to my dorm now," he answered, still trying to be polite.   
Daichi's desperation was building up inside his aching chest, threatening to explode. And it did.   
  
"Your name is Sugawara Koushi!" he yelled, words flowing from deep within him, unstoppable. "Your birthday is June 13th, you hate to swim, you sing like an angel, your lips taste like honey, and you have four other freckles just like the one under your eye and I've kissed them all! There's a birthmark like a scar right over your heart, you love spicy food, you love the snow, you love the sunrise and you love _me_." He could barely choke out the last few words.   
  
"H-how do you know all of that?" Suga stammered, tears welling in his eyes.   
"Because I've met you before Suga, I know you better than anyone ever has. And I just... I need you to remember me," his words were so low he wasn't sure of Suga could even hear them.   
  
Suga started to back away, shaking his head, tears trailing down his face.   
"I don't. I'm sorry, I don't."  
He turned and left. The heavy concert hall door closing behind him with a metallic clang.   
  
Daichi fell to his knees, the hard wood slamming sharply against his bones. He'd ruined it. He'd ruined everything. He was so sure that Suga remembered him that he threw everything away, and now his chance was gone.   
  
He felt like he'd been carefully putting together a puzzle for years and then dumped it all over before securing the final piece. His head was swimming with too many thoughts and an overstimulation of emotions. His chest ached.   
  
He started to fade, losing his grip on this place, this life. He swore to himself that next time would be the last. He couldn't do this anymore. He was exhausted from deep inside his soul. As he left this life, heading already toward the next, Daichi declared war on his fate, swearing to himself and to Suga that he would win.   
  
***  
  
Back then, in that moment, Daichi had been full of audacity, the rage and hurt he felt at the universe coursing through his veins like fire. He wanted revenge and he was fully prepared to get it. But now, face to face with the start of his fight, he couldn't do it.   
  
He had sat in the cafe all day, clutching his box of memories and reflecting on everything that had led up to this point and all he had accomplished was to lose his confidence. He was so scared. Scared to lose Suga again, scared to ruin everything, scared to have to start over for the hundredth time.   
The fire inside him had simmered down, leaving him just as he was, a lost and lonely, empty, man. One half of a coin in a constant search for its match.   
  
He had his head resting against the cold wood of the table, listening to the rain that had started gently falling outside. The cafe was empty except for him and Suga, who was sweeping silently. It was the perfect opportunity for Daichi to talk to him but he couldn't bring himself to do it.   
  
The sweeping stopped and Daichi could hear soft footsteps approaching, stopping just a few feet behind him.   
"I'm sorry sir but its closing time," he said softly, voice carrying easily through the quiet space between them.   
  
I love you. I miss you. I need you.  
That was what Daichi wanted to say, but instead he stood and nodded, avoiding eye contact with the boy behind him, and left. He walked out into the soft drizzle, tiny droplets soaking into his hair and the shoulders of his T-shirt. Shoving his hands into his pockets he left, walking swiftly in any direction that would take him far from here.   
  
It took him twenty minutes to realize he'd left his box on the cafe table, but by the time he had sprinted back through the rain to the cafe doors they were locked, all lights turned off inside and the sign on the door reading "closed".  
Daichi's stomach was in knots. If Suga opened that box everything would be over, his chances ruined.   
  
He looked around, hoping he could find Suga walking home, but he was nowhere to be seen. He ran to the bus station closest to the cafe, but no one was there. His heart was beating like a drum and he couldn't breathe. He couldn't believe that he'd ruined everything again, before it even had a chance to start.   
  
Daichi went home that night, waiting for the familiar feeling in his chest to signal that his time was up, but it never came. Suga must not have opened it. For the first time Daichi was being given the chance to fix his mistake.   
  
He went back to the cafe the next day but Suga never came in, and according to the small orange haired employee the box wasn't in the lost and found.   
Daichi returned every day for a week, blowing off classes and his own job to sit in the cafe and wait for Suga to show up, but he never did.   
  
By the end of the week Daichi was panicking. Something had gone wrong but he couldn't figure out what. If Suga had his box then he should have reset by now, unless he couldn't. Daichi didn't want to think about what that meant. He wouldn't let himself imagine what would happen if this had been his last chance. If he had gone down without a fight.   
  
There was a knock at his door, soft but determined. Confused, Daichi looked at the clock. It was late, nearly 2am, but despite his apprehension Daichi slowly opened the door.   
  
His breath caught in his throat and he nearly choked. Standing before him was Suga, hair messy and clothes rumpled as if he'd slept in them. His face was tired, and in his hands was Daichi's bamboo box.   
  
Both boys stood there, staring at each other, frozen. Daichi could hear his own heart beating, throbbing in his ears.   
  
Suga's eyes were wide.   
He looked down at the box and then back up at Daichi. His lips started to tremble and Daichi thought he was going to cry but instead he smiled. It was the big warm Suga smile that Daichi had fallen in love with so many years ago. He lifted the box and held it out to Daichi who was still too stunned to move.   
  
"I'm sorry you had to wait so long."  
  
***  
  
It was difficult at first, Suga didn't remember everything as clearly as Daichi did and he had to be patient. But through it all, the one thing Suga remembered the most was that he loved Daichi. And that was all he could ask for.   
  
Daichi had night terrors for a while. He'd wake up screaming, thinking something awful had happened to Suga, but he was always there, alive and well, to smooth his hair and hum until he fell back asleep.  
  
The world that had been slowly fading to gray around Daichi with every lost attempt started to regain its color. The stars were brighter, the sun was warmer, and he was happier.   
  
Every night that he got to fall asleep to Suga's smiling face was a gift, one that he never thought he'd receive. But he did. They had won. They had made it this far together, and Daichi never intended to let this boy leave his arms again. 

**Author's Note:**

> Beta read by mattdruinseverything.tumblr.com (go give him a follow!)
> 
> You can find me at ghost--fox.tumblr.com
> 
> Thanks and enjoy!!


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